How often have you felt that you are stuck?

How often have the odds been against you?

Stacked high and unyielding, threatening and intimidating.

Yet, she said, Anu, you have patiently, almost lovingly crossed those hurdles.

It has been difficult, but tell me, what is not?

Now again, you are faced with a hurdle, of your choice, yes, as a result of a decision you made in good sense.

It does seem impossible.

I see your pain, your struggle so evident, your bewilderment.

I also see your desire to cross the hurdle, move ahead, and a faint hint of a smile, perhaps in the hope of a better time.

There it is.

It has to be.

Go on the path so breaking

step on to the shaky grounds

fearful, yet sure footed

cause there is no option

of turning back

unless you are a coward

hold your breath

look within

find your strength

your friend is set to appear

possibilities of good cheer

are far yet approaching

go on, be yourself

even if it looks ridiculous

be bold, fear not

the universe

that brought you this far

will chart your course further ahead

she commands you to soldier on

don’t dare to disobey

the mighty voice of the inner self

yield now and reap later

be your own commander

the foot soldier and the cavalry

be your own flag bearer

be thou thy self

see you soon

on the other side

cheers!

Anu wanted to sleep. A long sleep. More sleep. Then just sleep. Her insistence on sleep annoyed and frightened me.

I wondered if it is loss of interest in living,a setting in of ‘ennui’, but I did not probe, more out of my own fear of a truth that could be too much to handle.

She smiled as cheerfully as always yet she clearly was like a tree trunk that wanted to sit or lean against a wall or just lie down.

This could be burn out I suggested helpfully, ‘nah!’ she ruled it out immediatlely.

I looked on at her ‘so whatness’ and ‘ whateverness’ in distress, not knowing what was there for me to do to help or whether I should just standby or perhaps just move out of the view. I did not know.

She did not know either, I thought, or she should have stopped me when I moved out, declaring my disinterest in one so less interested in self, but, no, she did not call or revert or show any sign of my needfulness, I kept quiet.

That was our last conversation.

I said good bye to a friend who could have been around longer.

Some said it was an accident.

I did not believe it.

I had been witness to her unresponsiveness.

Perhaps I should have checked.

But again, who knows what is right or what is wrong in life.

Everything looks so unclear from from outside.

I picked my bag to visit my second best friend and surely

I am going to stay a bit longer, ask afer a bit more, that should help.

Perhaps she wanted me to realize it.

It is easy to assume what could have been done or could have made a difference but to do what is needed in the moment is the real difficulty.

Anyways, keep the cheers up!

Anu wondered why it must be so.

You see, said she.

I am keen to have a social life. Okay, I nod eagerly.

‘So, sometimes I reach out and try to connect but then I withdraw as quickly and am increasingly reclusive when a friend tries to reach out and tries to be friendly, you see the contradiction, don’t you?’

‘I do, I do’, I said thinking to myself that she is quite an anachronism even otherwise.

‘So what is this with me?’

The rhetorical device expects no answer,so I just sigh.

The agent, the loan agent of all people, expected me to be dead, imagine, how annoying it can be, ‘something must have happened to you, said the cunning fellow, coz madam is not lifting call’

‘When did I promise to receive this fool’s calls?’ , stomped Anu, prancing in the room.

‘Somebody asked at least’, I thought of telling her .Knowing her well, I know how difficult it must be to keep up the courtesies with Anu especially!

To someone who should have been on her call list who politely enquired of her welfare, the lady asks, ‘who are you, pray?’

Funny right!

Must be the blues.

Must be the microbes.

Must be the air of winter here, dark and so cold.

Must be the chills.

The general coldness all around.

‘A lady’, she said broke down without rhyme or reason, and cried to the world, ‘I know what you are doing, don’t pretend!’

‘It’s funny’, said the boy ‘but kinda sad too, you know,’ puffing at his cigarette.

A far off dandy who lived his life committed to self, mused,’ may be I should adopt a child.’

‘Oh!’ said his sister, ‘when this happen?’ wondering at the softer side of her so called materialistic brother.

The elderly doctor woman would not let go of her patients. As they chatted on, the patients waiting outside cribbed, ‘the poor thing must be lonely, what if she lives in a mansion, loneliness can kill her too’. After an hour and more, the doc woman turned to call the next patient, while seeing off her former patients,’ check if you have forgotten something’, come again day after, take care ok, your green sari is good’.

The green sari came out with the red t shirt and murmured, ‘sorry’.

‘It’s been an hour., the girl said. ‘I have to study for an exam’.

‘Oh but why didn’t you tell me? Don’t look so annoyed’ and the girl smiled.

The maid looked annoyed that her employer had the luxury of staying at home to enjoy her sickness.

‘Tumba kashtagathu’, ‘very difficult’, she said generally, ‘ I don’t get any rest, bus kelasa, kelasa’, what to do, have to get the girl married!

‘So what makes you so irked when someone asks after you?’ Coz, who cares, really? ‘ She said annoyed.

‘No wonder’ , I said as I got up bidding Anu good bye.

Take care, girl

Cheer up!