Movies and thoughts!

So I have been grumpy and nasty for some time and so has the world been with me. Strangely though I see this grumpyness seeping into my character and my personality acquiring more shades of grey than I would want it to have. So I have decided to break the cycle. I decide to sit out with some movies. And I look up, ‘Dasvidaniya’, the hindi movie starring Vinay Pathak, Rajat Kapoor which is so good and infact Vinay Pathak who plays the lead role is so adorable that I look some other movies for the pleasure of watching him act. The guy is brilliant. Gosh! I am like, how does he do that?!  Why don’t we see enough movies from him?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxO5j73P0V4

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I then end up watching ‘Bheja Fry’, which is hilarious. I know, these have been around for some time and perhaps I am a little too late but as they say better late than never. ‘Bheja Fry’ was thoroughly enjoyable that I was cracking all through. What a story! Some brilliant acting, great comic timing, much better than the Khans and Kapoors out there.

 

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Well,some movies stay on in your heart and mind, like say ‘Juilie and Julia’, or ‘The Great Debators’, or ‘The Invictus’. So, will ‘Dasvidaniya’ stay with me for a long, long time.

I am not some one to make ‘to-do’ lists or obsess over completion of tasks. I am rather too relaxed for my own good, most of the time, at least!

I do however, have a list of things  in my ‘basket list’- buckets could be too small for me!

So, here it goes!

  • Who do I count the most on the planet? My parents and my daughter, hmm.. that said, my wish is to travel with them to some place some time soon. Have some good time, we all deserve it.
  • What gives me happiness? Oh! absolutely, it is to write and to speak and to train or teach and I know I am pretty good at that, well more than okayish! I am going to spend more time writing, writing everyday, in the late night, preferably!( A book, maybe!) I am going to rejoin toastmasters to enjoy speaking again. I am going to spend more time training and teaching. Maybe Sunday classes for those interested!
  • How do I want to live? Well, health is all important, so I am committing myself to good health, daily exercise, thoughtful food choices. And yes, reduce waste, in terms of using menstrual cups instead of sanitary pads, figuring ways out to minimize kitchen waste.
  • How do I want to be? I want to be elegant, neatly dressed, feeling good about myself, learning something new always makes me feel on top of the world, so I am going to learn to write, read and speak Kannada, it’s high time I did.
  • What else? Yes, some fun. Meet up with friends ever so often, watch movies, read books, go to theater, eat good food, bake/ cook nice stuff. And some solo trips to nowhere particular!Yes, I also want to cook 1, at least 1 Master Chef kind of food!

hmmm…looks so perfect! With smiles and hopes and a hugest hug of love, here’s to 2018, and the universe conspires!

 

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Relax Momsie, Relax

Relax Momsie, relax

Take a deep breath

Take 2 steps away (from me!)

It’s ok  if I  fail

I will make it up some way

It’s ok  if my dress is not the best

I  still feel confident and that’s more important

It’s fine  for us not to go on holidays

Take selfies and post pics on FB

I am super chill without a smart phone.

It’s just fine that you did not look great at PTM

That was not what it was meant to be anyways!

It’s fine momsie that I am glowing in darkness

You know that grandfather is dark and bright at the same time !

It’s ok momie that I cannot go to movies, to KFC’s, Dominos and MacD’s

Our occasional Uphaar trip is just fine for me

It’s ok that our home is shabby, it is still a home

That our car is dirty, it’s still a four wheeler

That there are creases on my shirt sometimes

That I reach school late or I get punished

That sometimes someone laughs at me

And I know how to laugh right back.

That you didn’t go to college or nana doesn’t work

That you sometimes says ‘sit’ for ‘shit’ and other wise!

That some people will never like you

and some will never understand you.

That you will never be Aishwarya Rai

and I will never be Aradhya/Taimur or whatever.

Don’t worry, momsie, coz I got selected for Basket Ball

And Raju is giving me his jersey and his shoes

Help me work on my Basket Ball plz

Can we now celebrate with Bisibelebath?!

 

 

Just Let It Be!

The untruths

wound

the silences

kill

the pretenses

deaden

allow the honesty

to dislike what is disliked

like what is liked

the way life is lived

the way life is seen

to take or leave

what is taken or left

to move on

or to stay back

to preach

or not be preached to

to grow old in youth

to grow young in old

to be man as woman

or be woman as man

let be

just let it be!

Not just a pressure cooker

shining in silver hue

a rounded belly full of stories

holding secrets of ages aplenty

she sings to my lady

and she rushes to her service.(Not well cooked? oh, yeah, needs two more whistles, I guess!)

The versatile and supremely talented pressure cooker is indeed the star of the Indian kitchen. From ‘biriyani’ to the humble ‘dal’ to ‘kheer’ anything and everything in the kitchen has to be touched by the holy belly of the ‘PC’.

I was so impressed by the fried rice that my pressure cooker cooked the other day, that I sat down to relish it with salad and pickle even as it was piping hot.(I believe in self-help first!) But then I got to think with reverence of ‘her’ without whom we are helpless vassals in the kitchen,our most trusted commander, our lady-in-charge, the Pressure Cooker.

I was not surprised therefore,  when I came across quite a few short films on the same theme on youtube. A Kannada short film -Pressure Cooker by Vinayaka Kodsara is a grim reminder of how ambitions can kill families and relationships.

A Tamil short film of the same name is about the pressure a school student faces before his board exams and how his father sits down to explain and make him realize the importance of not giving in to the tension that builds up in day to day life.

I must mention another beautifully done film starring the erstwhile tele star ‘Pallavi Joshi’ of the ‘Mrignayanee’ fame. The story is about a middle aged housewife who is looking for change, some attention and a more meaningful life even if it is by changing the pressure cooker at home.

The Pressure cooker is a much abused metaphor in the day to day conversation in the Indian domestic context with a range as wide and meandering- starting from academics to spirituality to the grind of modern living- nothing captures that feeling of build up of pressure as does the ‘PC’.

So as long as the ‘PC’ rules my kitchen, my life is sorted. So should yours be! Just don’t forget to let go off the steam sometimes!

 

ത്വര

എന്തൊക്കെയോ ആരോടൊക്കെയോ പറയുവാനുള്ള ത്വര
കേൾകുവാനുള്ള ത്വര, കഥകൾ, കവിതകൾ, ജീവിതാനുഭവങ്ങൾ
പറഞ്ഞത് വീണ്ടും പറഞ്ഞു കണ്ണ് നീര് തൂകുവാനുള്ള ത്വര
കൺകുളിർക്കെ കാണുവാനുള്ള ത്വര
കൺകോണുകൾ തളരും വരെ കണ്ടാസ്വദിക്കാനുള്ള ത്വര
മുഖങ്ങൾ,ഭാവങ്ങൾ,ഭാവഭേദങ്ങൾ
അനുഭവിക്കുവാനുള്ള ത്വര
അനുഭവങ്ങളിൽ കുതിർന്നുണരുവാനുള്ള ത്വര
യാത്രകൾ, പ്രണയം,ഹൃദയം, നോവ്, കത്തുന്ന ജ്വലിക്കുന്ന വിദ്വേഷം
കണ്ടു അനുമോദിക്കുവാനുള്ള ത്വര, കഴിവുകളെ കഴിവുക്കേടുകളെ
അഭിനന്ദിക്കുവാനുള്ള ത്വര
ചില നേരങ്ങളിൽ ചില നേരമ്പോക്കുകളിൽ ഒന്ന് ചാഞ്ഞിരിക്കുവാനുള്ള ത്വര
സന്ധ്യക്ക്‌ ശ്രീകോവിലിൽ കത്തിയമരുന്ന തീനാളങ്ങൾക്കിടയിൽ
ചുടുകണ്ണുനീർ തൂകുവാനുള്ള ത്വര
മാറ്റുവാനുള്ള ത്വര മാറ്റങ്ങൾക്കു കരണമാക്കുവാനുള്ള ത്വര
ചുറ്റിനുമുള്ള കൂട്ടവൻമതില്ക്കല് തകർത്തു ഒരുമയുടെ ഒരു പുതിയ ലോകം തീർക്കുവാനുള്ള ത്വര
കവിതകളിൽ കലാരൂപങ്ങളിൽ കായിക വിനോദങ്ങളിൽ
വീണ്ടുമൊരു ബാല്യം കണ്ടെത്തുവാനുള്ള ത്വര
ജീവിക്കുവാനുള്ള ത്വര
ജീവിതത്തിന്റെ പ്രണയനൊമ്പരങ്ങളെ ഏറ്റുവാങ്ങുവാനുള്ള ത്വര
തുച്ഛമായ ഈ ജീവിതത്തിൽ മിച്ചമായി ഇത്തിരി സന്തോഷം കണ്ടെത്തുവാനുള്ള ത്വര
എന്നെ ഞാനാക്കിയ പ്രപഞ്ചമേ നിന്നിലേക്കലിയുവാനുള്ള ത്വര.

Of a smiling survivor

The young mother who always radiant and eager to learn, sparkling with humor and the heaviest dose of naughtiness stunned me into silence with her announcement. ‘I have breast cancer. I found it out myself and without waiting for my husband had a check up. When the doctor confirmed, I felt sad’.

She said it in the most calm composed manner as I struggled to take in the truth, her small lithe frame clad in a causal skirt and top,her curly black hair grazing her shoulder and her eyes bright as ever. It was just 2 weekends back when we were all talking nonsense and laughing our heads out at her jokes. I was so taken aback that I quietly stood up to leave still unable to digest what I just heard. Almost a week later I visit her, next week the chemo will start she said. I am just worried about how my son will take it.

At the chemo the doctor is  surprised by her chirpiness. An elderly couple weighed down by the same, look at her almost annoyed. ‘I can’t help being happy, chechi’, she said innocently. ‘I hate sad endings’!

As the Chemo progresses she steadily starts to lose hair. Together the husband and wife decide to buy her a smart wig. ‘It was important to sport the wig, my boy was touching my balding head with a sad look in his eyes. Why should I trouble the little one’?

She was almost unrecognizable when I saw her a few weeks later. ‘See this wig’, she laughed merrily. Her husband stood by smiling indulgently. The straight hair seemed to suit her better. She looked like a model on a ramp walk. A little weak may be but mostly happy. When you meet her it is not her disease that hits you, it is the overwhelming joy in living that she spreads.

You take home that lingering fragrance of joy and smile to yourself.  Some people are like that.

A year past the disease now, she has fully recovered and is bright and smiling even more ‘I am going back to the classes to learn to help my child live his life fully and the school has been kind, they are willing to absorb me as a teacher!’

Why would the school not take her, wonderful as she is? What a positive difference the girl will continue to make to the lives of others?

This year has been about resilience, about survival, about finding hope and dreams where there were none, of finding love for self, for living. My young friend is a brilliant example of the finest human spirit. Many cheers to her long life!

Heroes are real and they are all around us, look out for them! Stay heroic!

Of those who matter

what makes her cranky

so stupidly wistful

ever so crazy and smiley

why would someone

who has no care

no expression of love

no reaching out

be of relevance

to a soul that has no sense of time

if a score or more is any indication

it is difficult to comprehend

just that

some things

some people

bring bliss

as if it rained joy out of nowhere

it beamed happiness in to you

nudging gently at the corners of the heart

bringing a grin long hidden

even when the expression is sparse

even when it is mundane

even when it is curt

you just say ‘ok’

but can’t suppress the song in your heart

or the smile that drown your cheeks!

 

മാറ്റം

നുറുങ്ങി നുറുങ്ങി എന്റെ മടിത്തട്ടിലേക്ക് വീണ നീലാകാശമേ
നിന്റെ നീലിമ എന്റെ സ്വപ്നങ്ങൾക്ക് ചിറകേകിയിരുന്ന കാലത്തു
നിന്റെ നീല നഭസ്സിന്റെ സന്തത സഹചാരിയായ എന്റെ സൂര്യൻ
നിന്റെ മുറിഞ്ഞ കോണുകളിൽ നിന്നുതിരുന്ന മനകണ്ണുനീര്തുള്ളികൾ
സമാഹരിച്ചു സ്വപ്ന കോട്ടകൾ നെയ്തിരുന്നു
അന്ന് നീയും ഞാനും ഒന്നായിരുന്നു
അന്ന് നിന്റെ സ്വപ്നങ്ങൾ എന്റേതുമായിരുന്നു
നീ എന്നിലും ഞാൻ നിന്നിലും പുഷ്പിച്ച ആ കാലം ഇന്നെനിക്കു ഓർമയില്ല
ഇന്ന് നിന്റെ കരിഞ്ഞ കണ്ണീര്തടങ്ങൾ എനിക്കൊന്നുമല്ല.ഇത് സത്യം.

Ps: ‘You are not what you create (read write), you are merely a conduit for forces beyond you that choose you for their furtherance’. I guess the author, Elizabeth Gilbert said something to this effect in her TED Talk. Well! does that absolve the writer of writing bad/good, perhaps not, perhaps yes? Who is to answer that?!

With much trepidation and much fear of disrespecting the chaste Malayalam, Dakshayani teacher taught me and I tried learning,I venture to express in a language I love and the audacity of age helps!

 

CURDLED

It must be the times

the change of weather

the heat of the moment

that sought solitude.

The oceans throw up

truckloads of S*** on the Versova beach

the air spits into your very eyes

chokes your throat, scowls right back at you

the rivers fling dead fish

the brackish waters fill the lakes

cancerous earth laces fruits with poison

the preaching of a god-no-more

the hope of a tomorrow-never-ever.

It must be that or the change of the weather!

 

മാപ്പു

മാപ്പു

നിന്റെ രാജ്യത്തിൽ വന്നു
നിന്റെ സ്വന്തം വീട്ടിൽ നിന്ന് കൊണ്ട്
ഇന്ന് ഞാൻ നിന്റെ അജ്ഞാനത്തെ അപഹസിച്ചെങ്കിൽ
മാപ്പു ചോദിക്കുന്നു ഞാൻ

നിന്റെ സ്വപ്നമായ നിന്റെ സ്വന്തമായ
നിന്റെ എല്ലാമെല്ലാമായ നിന്റെ ഭാഷയിൽ
കാൽ കാശിനു വിവരമില്ലാത്ത ഞാൻ
എന്റെ വിവേക ശൂന്യതയാൽ നിന്നെ വേദനിപ്പിച്ചുവെങ്കിൽ

എന്റെ അജ്ഞാനത്തെ നീ ക്ഷമിച്ചു
എന്റെ ആംഗലേയത്തെ നീ സഹിച്ചു
എന്നിട്ടും നിന്നോട് ഞാൻ ചെയ്തത്
ക്രുരതയാണ്
ഇന്ന് ഞാൻ നിന്നോട് ആംഗലേയത്തിൽ
സംവദിക്കാൻ
തന്ടെ സഹപാഠികളുടെ മുന്നിൽ
നിർബന്ധിച്ചപ്പോൾ

എന്റെ രാജ്യത്തു എന്റെ അമ്മയായ
എന്റെ സ്വന്തമായ എന്റെ ഭാഷക്ക്
ഒരു സ്ഥാനവുമില്ലേ എന്ന് നീ
നിശബ്ദനായി എന്നോട് ചോദിച്ചപ്പോൾ

തേങ്ങി പോയി എന്റെ മനസ്സ്
സ്വന്തമായ മലയാളത്തെ സ്വന്തമാക്കാൻ
സാധിക്കാത്ത ഞാൻ
എ ബി സി ഡി യുടെ ധാർഷ്ട്യത്തിൽ ,മൗഢ്യത്തിൽ

നിന്നെ , നിന്റെ സ്വാഭിമാനത്തെ
നോവിച്ചുവെങ്കിൽ മാപ്പു
മക്കയോളയുടെ വിജയമാണിത്
എന്റെ, നിന്റെ ഈ ഭാരതത്തിന്റെ പരാജയവും!

Ps: The regret of a English teacher who never learned her mother tongue, Malayalam well enough, nor ever tried to learn or respect the languages of the places she stayed in as she should have, neither Hindi nor Kannada. Whither Indian regional languages?, when a student who is justly proud and knowledgeable of his/ her mother tongue is inadvertently made to feel ashamed of his/broken English.