To do Phd or not to do, to have the courage to spend so many years into studies again, at this age, now! Gosh!
I have been confused forever like. The finances, the circumstances, the situations, the doubts, then the unwillingness to sacrifice comforts of lazing around, all stopped me again and again.
But when I see some one studying something, I am always tempted to get back to classrooms, have a mentor, be guided, spend time with books, read, read and read and write, write and write!
Hmm! but yes, the expense, the effort, that was a dampener.
Today though I had a very enlightening discussion with a gentleman who explained why research is not something un-do-able and why doing research for a cause you believe in is actually a way to contribute to the larger good!
Really! I wondered listening to him, feeling very motivated and thinking of registering for higher studies(call it older studies!)
Perhaps, then, that’s what it is. Life’s purposes are ever elusive and like a wayward lover, she changes her moods and turns, now rude, now pleasing, now all saccharine,and then petulant like a child!
Figuring her out has been the single most uneventful research I have ever done and I am lost, lost in the labyrinths of ‘what if’s’, ‘what nots’, ‘why mes’ but some things are becoming clearer, or at least I like to think so!
Maybe then it is the call of the time to get back to work, perhaps to study because I want to and not because I had to!
How will it turn out to be? Will I even pass the test? hmm!
Dear friend and benefactor,thank you!
Your simple logic and sincerity was inspiring. Continue learning and contributing to the world while I commit myself to more learning!
How?, not very sure! Why, not very clear!
Yet a new quest is on!
The universe beckons!
Maybe I am reading her signs well!
Maybe I am walking into a trap!
Be sweet, dear trap, be kind, I trust you!(read universe!)
Adhyapika 
2 responses to “Some people,some talks”
In Latin class I learned a phrase that has helped me sort out puzzles like yours: “cui bono?” Currntly it is often used in addressing a legal issue, like a crime, but in the general sense asking who is going to benefit from your decision may be another worthwhile guide.
I can relate to your consternation. I too thought about a higher degree, but decided it wouldn’t really satisfy me and I wasn’t convinced it would help anyone else either.
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Who benefits? Can’t answer that but the process of learning is interesting and if it can get perks at work it is practical, at least, that’s what I am coming to think.
I do know degrees upon degrees are meaningless but the process, it is something to die for… for one it keeps you busy and maybe it is just my kind of escape!
Thanks Albert, the churning and I keep leaning both ways:-)
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