To do Phd or not to do, to have the courage to spend so many years into studies again, at this age, now! Gosh!
I have been confused forever like. The finances, the circumstances, the situations, the doubts, then the unwillingness to sacrifice comforts of lazing around, all stopped me again and again.
But when I see some one studying something, I am always tempted to get back to classrooms, have a mentor, be guided, spend time with books, read, read and read and write, write and write!
Hmm! but yes, the expense, the effort, that was a dampener.
Today though I had a very enlightening discussion with a gentleman who explained why research is not something un-do-able and why doing research for a cause you believe in is actually a way to contribute to the larger good!
Really! I wondered listening to him, feeling very motivated and thinking of registering for higher studies(call it older studies!)
Perhaps, then, that’s what it is. Life’s purposes are ever elusive and like a wayward lover, she changes her moods and turns, now rude, now pleasing, now all saccharine,and then petulant like a child!
Figuring her out has been the single most uneventful research I have ever done and I am lost, lost in the labyrinths of ‘what if’s’, ‘what nots’, ‘why mes’ but some things are becoming clearer, or at least I like to think so!
Maybe then it is the call of the time to get back to work, perhaps to study because I want to and not because I had to!
How will it turn out to be? Will I even pass the test? hmm!
Dear friend and benefactor,thank you!
Your simple logic and sincerity was inspiring. Continue learning and contributing to the world while I commit myself to more learning!
How?, not very sure! Why, not very clear!
Yet a new quest is on!
The universe beckons!
Maybe I am reading her signs well!
Maybe I am walking into a trap!
Be sweet, dear trap, be kind, I trust you!(read universe!)