Of looking back

‘Look Back in Anger’ is John Osborne’s iconic work which focuses on the struggles of the protagonist of the play, Jimmy Porter. But the looking back I am referring to is not in anger but in love.

‘A looking back’ in expectation of seeing the face seeing you off. Of the desire to gently nod and wave your hand in good bye, see you soon!

It is the ‘looking back’ that every child who climbs into the bus turns back in expectation for. When the dad or mom who boarded the child walks off before waving that precious goodbye, a small disappointment sets in the eyes and the heart of the child.

A few days of holidays help me to see my daughter off to college, as she boards the rick, she turns back to look for me. I would have almost shut the door, but I saw that the driver was taking a u-turn and stood back for a few more minutes to be once again greeted by that precious ‘looking back’ with a naughty glint in her eyes.

Ah! for the small joys of living.

If you are romantic at heart like me, you would have yearned for the good byes and welcomes as much as I did. Growing up on a steady diet of films, in which the wife dutifully waves a good bye to the husband as he leaves for the office, I too would get myself ready even if I did not look my best, after all the kitchen work to ‘see him off’!

Well, it was always a disappointment for my now estranged husband always cribbed and cried his way to work. He cursed every one in this world and above. It was clear that work was an harassment for him, so was life. Now to say good bye to him was something I tried my hand at, until later, in my wisdom of survival, I simply hid myself in the bedroom, till the bike zoomed off in the distance and heaved a sigh of relief.

Seeing him off was the toughest see offs of my life!

When I come back after visiting my parents back home, I always hate to look back to see my mother’s moist eyes. And to having to look ahead and pretend as if everything was fine.

Even now when my dad visits me, he drops me to the bus stop and I turn around to wave him a good bye, what a feeling it is!

I wish we realized how important it is to cherish these seemingly small moments of love and care.

I wish we simply turned around with a smile to say a good bye.

I wish  we learned to invest time in small deeds of kindness to spread cheer around!

So what is your experience of ‘looking back’?

 

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One thought on “Of looking back

  1. Once again you gave me something to think about that I haven’t paid attention to before. My look-backs seem always to have been about myself, how I messed up a relationship, how successful I was at a project, how concerned I was about being misunderstood or downright mean. Somehow I forgot to concentrate on the other person, especially during goodbyes. Too fearful of tears, maybe, or simply unwilling to acknowledge how important this person was to me, unable to feel or express a kind of positive- melancholy. (Probably not really as bad as it sounds, but sometimes new viewpoints startle you–i mean me of course–into somber re-examination. And that could be a very good thing. It is here.)

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