Of letting go and holding on

Turbulence and turmoil is part of every individual’s life. So was it for Anu, when she was at cross roads and lonely and very much so.

She said how desperate she was for a friendly soul and how she was willing to hold any hand that came her way at that time.

The home to her was not a home any more. Work was her only solace.

When an old crush reached out to her she was perhaps overwhelmed. She latched on to the hope and freshness it offered, even if conversations were far in between and not regular.

She was back to being happy and enjoyed the feeling. Did she expect much, perhaps not.But the return of an old friend who she could talk to about her hopes and her dreams minus the variety of cribs and cries sort of brightened her horizon.

‘May be I was a bit too insistent for attention’,she said with a tinge of regret as the channel of communication stopped abruptly.

‘It did help me honestly. I could tide over all the unfair, unbearable pain in those years because one I discovered there were many others like me, two the friend who talked to me in bits and pieces, three discovery of my talents in writing,speaking and connecting to new people.

‘Some people are special for no reason and that was it, not that he cared much, or talked much or helped much or even looked super smashing either’, Anu tried vainly to dismiss the over the top importance she seemed to have given one individual in her life!

She narrated the story of the man who escaped the cold winter night by looking at a faraway temple diya in one of the Akbar -Birbal stories. Such was his influence in my life. It is a chimera, a mirage but still comforting in its own way.

Sorted out and much more comfortable in her personal space, Anu is a happy woman, single and some times looking to mingle but ‘hey, there is no compulsion, no tearing hurry, just a little realignment of ideas, let’s see what this phase brings to my life’, and we smile at each other.

Good conversations make great days, so it was yesterday!

Well, The Gambler knew it better! And life is no different 🙂

Blessed in sleep

Of all things she loved about her self

was definitely her ability to doze

at the click of half a button

at the drop of hat

or in the midst of din

for often in social science classes

with a certain mary kutty teacher

leading her through history

in a voice sonorous

even when on a half a stomach

from the meager hostel spread

she still managed to sleep

dropping off her head

in convenience

on the rather hefty shoulders

of two friends in the classroom

who kindly nudged her awake

when the teacher turned side

once though her sleep

which now earned her names as

‘kumbakaran’s sister ‘

got her much wrath

when a hapless onlooker

lost it in laughter

and the teacher sent her out

for the crime of laughing

at the criminal who was sleeping,clueless

this they said led to feuds and frictions

among best friends

and took years to heal

however the trials and tribulations of living

never deprived her of the joy of sleeping soundly

that perhaps is the reason for her rather sheepish grin!

many angry shouts and much water has been wasted

much advise given and least of all taken

years of scolding somehow only reinforced

the desire, the love and the admiration

for a good sleep

call it mattressomania

sleepaddictivia

Kumbakarnonianism

or lazybummia

its a pretty sound condition to be in!

PS:Cast not an evil eye on my sleep!

A Predisposition to Happiness

All beings tend towards being happy. I believe that human beings in general tend towards a state of happiness, inspite of what others perceive to be a state of lacking or incompleteness.

In the times when my younger brother was in a state of severe pain, he still loved listening to music and was often smiling and joking while most around him pitied him for being tied to the wheel chair.

It amused me to notice how skeptical the listeners were to Adi when she happily shared her hunt for a partner at a young 50. We laughed a little constrained in our thoughts as to how could it be for her to be all alone, but Adi had no trace of sorrow or even annoyance in her countenance. She winked to add, ‘ better late than never, what say!’ and just stuck her tongue out, as if mocking us.

Manoj is a very competent computer engineer who is suffering from muscular degeneration. There is not a time when Manoj is not smiling, even when he is pushing himself up to a chair with great difficulty. In fact, if you happen to catch his eyes, he might just make a face and ask for a hand to help, that is all to it.

I mean whatever our current state of affairs be, our emotional status is a matter of willful making.

We people tend to blame external factors for our lack of freedom may be, forgetting how a walking out, a speaking up can change things for the better.

My mom loves dad to the moon and back, it is her constant almost joyful crib as to how he will have food only if she serves it! I mean, she pretends to be annoyed but takes great pride in the fact that dad sort of needs her.

Inviting me to a christmas prayer, my friend insisted on how it will add to my happiness, but. I am already happy’. I exclaimed and she did not seem to be very happy about it.

Now it is for each of us to see what takes away from our sense of joy in being, whether it is people, work, situations, what ever it is , it is well within our rights to change it for the better, may be not alter it altogether.

My best friend was annoyed that at her home, her in-laws have still not gotten over taking care of their daughter. ‘What can I do, it irritates me that I earn, I support and they give in to the waywardness of their daughter, who is married, employed and more than capable of taking care of herself!’ A few weeks later, my friend came back to share how she and her husband have devised ways to take time off and go on holidays. ‘Just the three of us’, she said happily.

A little fellow blessed with a great sense of maturity is weak in his legs, his ambition is to play basket ball and other physically challenging games. He is obviously not able to keep pace with others and often takes out his anger by writing on the board in his room, ‘I am useless. Why do I have such legs?’ etc. But his mother is so sorted out that she says, ‘he will figure out himself. He is a smart guy and most importantly he has a bunch of loving friends. May be he can do excellent commentary while they play’.

For some reason the celebrities have made depression sound like a fashion, so much so that every young person I am talking to is proudly sharing his/her fight with depression. I fear that this could just be an excuse for doctors, some of the unscrupulous among them to push some dangerous chemicals as medicines.

Well, all I am saying is you and I can actually take care of our happiness. We just need to give ourselves time and some love.

It is ok not to have the career of your choice, the man of your dreams, the house or the salary of your best enemy/rival, you still hold the key to your happiness, just keep doing one thing that you enjoy and it will fetch you joys limitless!

All Hail the classroom!

I do love talking. Yes, listening too.

But basically, sharing tit bits of information, dialogues, literature, poems, happenings anything .In fact I do have a huge interest in good conversations.

But it is difficult really to find those who you want to listen to and talk to. Often conversations slip into people bashing, this man, that woman and well, it just becomes gossiping. I know grapevines have their part to play but perhaps we could just sit down to talk of books, of ideas, of love, of living and what not.

I really wish for places that promotes discussions, even long silences of understanding but airing of virulent opinions that are divisive but just simple sharing of interests and ideas with out much of an agenda.

What would it have been to be at Plato’s Dialogs?

Perhaps I just need to get back to classrooms or at least have a bit of classroom in my life again.

I must be one of those very boring sort of individuals whose interests are primarily reading, writing, speaking yeah really LSRW with a V for vocabulary!

What better interests for a language teacher?!!!!

The Wrath of Strength

Strong women

have it tougher

for being of steel

it is fun to mock

to break

to rile

did she not ask for it

for daring to have an opinion

for having the gumption to lead

for the courage to stand up

so now

go on

mock, mock, mock

break, break, break

till she quits

and then you can celebrate!

Ps: breaking the glass ceiling is a hell lot of work! soldier on, dear friend.