Brother’s Day

A few positions have been vacant in her life, she thought. Time has to fill those slots.

It would be nice to have a few good souls around.

Then she got a message, it read, so can I be your brother?

Tears streamed from her eyes.

Does he know what he is saying?

I think it is a noble relation, he added.

Yes it is she said.

Then she got a brother!

Strange are the ways of the universe!

The Impatience of the All Knowing

Now, some of us are the all knowing kind

No, not the little knowing

or the somewhat knowing

or the getting to know kind

the all knowing kind

the real fountains of knowledge

of times that went and times that are

and the times that will come

that Atlas who can’t even shrug!

something like ‘The Man From Earth’

but above and beyond all that

If you don’t get me

well, just know how much you know!

or how much you don’t

that goes without saying

but that kind

the all knowing kind are

have you noticed

impatient

with the less knowers, ‘how can you…..?’

sometimes dark smoke of suppressed anger

irritation, impatience, disgust

spews out of their ears

(if you haven’t noticed, look closely next time)

some times watch out how spirals of wisdom

sprout from their crowns and reach the skies

a la cyclonic image!

but seriously years of study

years of observation

decades of self obsession, introspection, I mean!

that which catches every tiny spot

that which analyses and aggregates

loads of information in myriad forms

has made heavy a head

which could otherwise have been light enough to

laugh out and cry even

or thump a chest

and reach out in zest

friend, the least knower

who is blissful in the state of unknowing

my love to you

my empathy

and my emphatic support

don’t dismay

coz we too shall reach such stage

if you and I so desire

but look

aren’t the skies so bright

the stars so clear

shall we not sit here and just enjoy

the few moments granted to us in life

so, leave him to his task

his insatiable thirst for the power of knowledge

what did Dr. Faustus gain

from devil’s exchange?

Forget, forgive his knowledge

blissful shall we be in our ignorance.

PS.we also need to live

BEkaAr not Bebus!

Been bekaar for two years straight.Hoping into university buses, slyly sliding myself into colleagues cars to occupy a seat with out much of an apology nor gratitude, or cheerfully asking a random acquaintance, going that way…ha ha ..nice …care to drop me..he he!!!!

Funny, not really!

Then there are the Ola Cabs, madam we don’t go that route. Madam too much distance it is. Then the luck of it all, a wait for a gentleman cab driver..(gentlemen of all kinds have left for honolulu, I guess!) the auto wallah I mean!

Anyways, life has been tough with being bekar but bebus I am never. Always the enterprising and jugadoo-ful, I find a way out.

Then during the quarantine when the boss said, come! I was perplexed. Didn’t sleep the whole night out of anxiety…

Then in the morning even before the sun rose and blinked his eyes, I stealthily pounced on my daughter’s 2 wheeler after a good 15 years….really and then my legs froze, fingers twitched and the indicator won’t stop crying. But I took a round or two by then there were enough morning walkers and for their safety and to safeguard my university professorial reputation I stopped and ran back home.

I was back again at 8 am sharp with heavy palpitations and strung muscles and legs that won’t move. Had Aswin in attendance coz even if I fail ,I still need to reach the office.

But after a rather unsteady round or two I said, ‘I am going’. The boy looked at me slightly bewildered at my drunken dance on the moped, but I said bravely,’ I have to do this or I will never’ and fearful of colliding into the waiting security guard , off I went to hit the road.

A street dog, a wandering cow, and many other movables on the way was treated with great respect since I knew this is not really the age for me to fall flat and be able to get up and walk.

With the helmet, the mask and an id card dancing in the air, I reach the office a good 30 minutes early.

But the pleasure of riding a two wheeler, the pristine morning air, the deserted roads, reminded me of how I would ride to college in palakkad, feeling rather elitist even in my simple small town attire and outlook!

Cheers to Govt. Victoria College, Palakkad

Cheers to my father, the bank manager

cheers to me for daring to do what I did! which means running into a standing scooter in Vadakkanthara and still getting out again the next day, fearful but not ready to give up.

So it was then

So it is now!

The art of being a crib

It takes a lot of imagination, the right mix of self victimization and ‘poor me-aisation’ to be a crib all the time.

For the universe in her kindness has been steady in getting me trained in how to deal with eternal cribbers.

The cribs are inventive, hilarious , irrational and high on fantasy, if anything.

Cribber numero uno

” I am doing so much. I am working like a donkey here inspite of my position”.

“I am so old still I drive(others crazy!) “

“I am always looking at details and am very particular you know”

“I am the best leader and I always train others sincerely”( to crib???!!!)

Cribber 2

You know what, I am lonely.

That’s why I am cribbing.

Nothing is working for me.

There is no one.

Everything works for you!!!(sarcasm)

You are always happy!!!!????(god knows why)

Cribber 3

I just don’t look good enough.

I try

I can’t get things right.

I am not popular.

I am like this only.

Cribber 4

I am planning ok.

Always planning.

Nothing is happening.(if you only plan, how will anything happen?)

I don’t like her suggestions.

But I don’t know what to do either.

I have to try.

I have to.

I have to.

Cribber 4

I am very creative.

I am full of ideas.

I can do so much.

I am just plain lonely.

I want to have friends.

I am kinda tired.

No motivation only!

Cribber 5 (myself!!!)

I am so lonely.

I have no friend.

I need a change.

So much work.

Why can’t vessels clean themselves?

Hey Bhagvan, if you are omniscient, come mop my house!

Just want to see if you exist.

Ps: Master cribbers!!!

the buddha

For a long time since my reading of the ashtanga marga in the history text book, I have been drawn to that prince who lives behind his beloved to go in search of the ultimate truth.

Many times there has been a desire to write a play on the Life of Buddha and have it staged.

In my mind in my dreams at least there has been a vivid picturisation of how it would go on stage.

But my knowledge of the subject has been limited.

As I sit today, looking ahead and wondering what is out there for me, I feel drawn more than ever before to the Buddha.

The universe is perhaps leading me to a new path of acceptance and of no expectations.

Perhaps that is how I can explain the deep churning of emotions as I listen intently to the chanting of Nam myoho renge kyo.

It is calming in a strange way.

NAM MYOHO RENGE KYO

A small world

My world is incredibly small and I find myself reaching out to the same set of people again and again.

The entry to this small world is difficult so is the exit.

So today after much inquiry I trace out a junior, a chirpy friend who never missed to greet me a single day and of whom my classmates often teased me with.

But there it was in my afternoon siesta, Deepthi, it said, go get her and I ask my classmates and they lead me to her.

I am amazed and rather bewildered at this need of mine to reach out to the self same people.

Well, friends I have many kind souls who help and care and show their concern often.

But when it comes to reaching out to I always reach out to the same people.

It must irritate them.

Sometimes it does irritate me too.

But there it is, a fact of my living.

It’s a small world.

I make it smaller.

Perhaps for comfort.

Perhaps out of fear.

Perhaps out of sheer lethargy.

Brave be those who manage to break the wall and be a part of this world.

A small world.

Babysitting

what baby?

say na babyyyyy

ok. I am like this

I talk like this only

I have many girlfriends

I have so many friends

what I can’t keep myself like this fit no

so I have to take care

you know why right?

wink! wink!

I am a great cook

baby what baby

I have many gunda friends

so many of them

what positions do you like?

ok baby

no problem

I like this ok

baby you know what

she cooks for me

sad, I don’t like her

like that I mean

she prays for me

she’s ok but

you know not like that

she you know what

sends me her pics

those kinds, you know right

but yeah

I am lazy ok

very lazy

why don’t you

write down my thoughts

the business plan

why don’t you

pray for me?

why don’t you share your pics?

those kinds

ok tell me your vitals

better to get to know right

you know what I mean

ok baby I am but smoking

a bit of marijuana

it is healthy you know that no

ha! so never smoked

sad

you never went to pubs

what baby

you lived in a jungle or what

what life you have

no dresses

oh god

wtf

can’t believe

such people exist

any ways I can teach you

so much

really baby

so much

ok chill ok

just chill

so many people like me

I am the life of parties

people wait for me

ok

you will also like me

I know that for sure

I am too good ok

too good

mind you

mom, she’s stupid, old school

sister, oh she’s so dumb!!!!

but you are different ok!

PS: just saying

Search

Sometimes even the triumphantly emphatic feminist in her, leans towards a pillar, a wall or just something to share a bit of the weight.

But who said that being strong came from a one man show, it is way stronger when there is a team, right? But the right team!

So I decide to needle my good friend out of her complacence.

Life is demanding, challenging, battles have been won and lost,yet at the end of the day, one looks for good company, a good friend, to have long talks and long walks as equals, preferably.

But, aye therein lies the rub!cause the world as it is filled with loners, incurable romantics and yearners of all kinds, makes it a tad difficult to find the one, just the way you want!

I laughed at Anu’s catch-22 situation, ‘to do or not to do, if to do , then what to do, and how to do!’

We laughed out together!

‘I am not the socializing type’, said she.

‘How come? asked I, ‘you have a giant smile pasted all the time’!

‘Oh!that’s is a mask’, comes the answer, ‘a shield life has taught me well to wear.’

‘Come on’, I don’t believe you’.

‘Your choice!’, Says she.

We don’t want to argue so we leave it at that.

Tathasthu and Mindfulness

Tathasthu in Sanskrit means ‘so be it’. This week I have heard of ‘Tathastu’ from three different people in three different contexts.

One is an eminent academician, who chirpily commented, ‘You know what , it is said that what you say has to happen because the ashwini kumaras who are roaming around our world are happily saying to all our utterances, ‘Thathasthu’ or so be it.

‘Therefore, Lekha you just go ahead and wish for the best, it’s gonna happen’ and we giggled together!

By the way, here is a quote from Rigvedas as quoted in Wikipedia

our chariot, o Aśvins, swifter than mind, drawn by good horses, comes to the clans.
By which (chariot) you go to the home of the good ritual performer, by that, o men, travel your course to us.
You free Atri, the seer of the five peoples, from narrow straits, from the earth cleft along with his band, o men—confounding the wiles of the merciless Dasyu, driving them out, one after another, o bulls.
O Aśvins—you men, you bulls—by your wondrous powers you draw back together the seer Rebha, who bobbed away in the waters, like a horse hidden by those of evil ways. Your ancient deeds do not grow old.— 1.117.2–4, in The Rigveda, translated by Stephanie W. Jamison (2014)

So the Asvins or Ashwini devas as they are called have been invoked since the vedic times even to this day.

Now at home, when things go awry, I lament in my old fashioned manner, mostly seeking some attention, ‘hey bhagwan, bola lo,mujhe’ and my daughter gets very annoyed.

‘Why do you say this, what if some one,( some higher beings such as Yakshas and Kinnaras can do that too, apparently!) said, ‘tathastu’ and she threatens me saying’ I will also say it, mind you!’ and of course, I learn another lesson in minding my manners!

But how intricately is Thathasthu related to mindfulness is what I was thinking.

Its what you think that happens so better be watchful of thoughts which are just passing by strangers to your mind. It is up to you to pick up the right one to ponder on and dismiss the rest!

So there is this rather story of a mom who while crossing the river told her naughty restless child that the river may take the kid, and the river did.

Now that is a story but constant reiteration what is not there in your life, makes you focus on what is not there and as they say what you focus on expands,what you ignore retracts.

So, if you are hard on money, don’t repeatedly talk about about its lacking, if you are lacking in love or friends or whatever just focus on what you have or even keep a mindset of richness regarding these areas and well, thathasthu works!

So, what are you doing with thathasthu?!!!

Talking to your higher soul

How often do we forget that we are but spirits dressed in our bodies? Spirits from far above,with a reason or none but spirits the same. We, both you and I have infinite possibilities and should continuously reach out to realize the same.

Well, possibilities in love, possibilities in knowing self, possibilities in living a better life, possibilities in sharpening our skills and wowing the world! Why not?

In one of my counselling sessions, a student said, ‘its all luck mam, there is nothing else’.

Really, I countered, disagreeing with him.

I was listening to Deshuana Barber ,the unlikely Miss USA. She was spotted by a kind lady who said’ she is the most beautiful girl ever’ and that changed her life, but wait, her success came only after she failed 6 times in a row.

I was amazed at her not giving up.

Long back when I wanted to pursue journalism and was selected for interview at Indian Institute of Mass Communication, I was thrilled but didn’t clear the interview and I gave up.

I did not try to enter for admission at even the local colleges. Looking back I feel the confidence and the courage to live my life and take my own decisions could have come to me earlier had I just done that!

Well, who is to change the past?!!! It’s futile.

But now several years later I have found my freedom of expression, a level head that weighs and takes decisions and a spirit unafraid in me, it sort of thrills me to say this even though I paid a very very heavy price to reach here.

But as I would say now with a wisdom gained from pain and life experiences, that there is definitely a higher soul in you and me, that lends us a glance into its existence when we hit the rock bottom or merely when we step out of our comfort zone.

The higher soul that is connected to the universe lifts, hugs and cuddles, she whispers strength mantras and showers kisses, caressing a broken spirit to lull to sleep and rise again like a phoenix.

Tune in to the higher soul.

Talk to your self

Talk to the universe.

For she, the all knowing has watched many of us come and go, her wisdom is the root of our being, her love is our laughter.

Even in our transience we may then rejoice!!!