Loss and healing

My students ask me questions of all kinds.

Sometimes of dealing with love, ‘I have this strange feeling when I meet her and if she doesn’t come to college sometimes, I feel anxious? Am I normal?Am I sinning?’

Young minds and young hearts are tender and sometimes volatile and over analysis of life experiences often add to the difficulty.

What could I say, but that’ it is normal to feel what you do. Relish the feeling, it simply means you are capable of love.’ The young man smiled a bit relaxed.

‘I have no interest in life. I feel I have lost everything. How does one deal with such feeling’. What would you do?, said another. Here is my answer to this question that came my way on a teacher’s day!

Life is difficult, it really is. The world around us somehow makes us believe that life is going to be a cake walk for us but no, life has customized experiences for each one of us.

The purpose of these experiences is not clear to us as we live through it, perhaps it is just merely accidental.

*Try crying your heart out and release the negativity with in and you will instantly feel lighter.

*Tell yourself that you are feeling sad or heartbroken and feeling devastated. Acknowledge the pain. Be kind to yourself.

*Sharing your experience with a real friend is a good idea. Pouring out your pain helps in healing, but be careful to find someone non-judgmental, while you do so.

*A dairy is a good place to vent your painful emotions. It is a good listener too and when your mind and hand co-ordinate to write, it speeds up your healing process.

*Activities that involve physical exertion are good for healing. Try cleaning up your room, cooking up something delicious or gardening, even a long walk can help.

*Nature is a great healer. Going for a walk out in the open, will energize you.

*If you have pets, spend some time with them. Animals are generous in giving love. You may consider going to an animal shelter to spend some time with the lovely beings and get healed in return.

*Many individuals engage themselves in works of charity or just helping out someone in need, at an old age home, an orphanage etc. By giving love and care to others, you feel cared and loved for too.

*Do you have a hobby? If yes, it is a good excuse to spend more time doing what you are passionate about. If no, then it is a good time to find one of your choice and nurture it over a period of time.

*Exercise to heal. Whether you are a fitness freak or not, spending time in exercise will help you feel upbeat and enthusiastic.

*If you have the means and permission to travel do that. A change of place is good for the heart.

*Life experiences vary in intensity but honestly, there is pain and pleasure in equal measure for all. So never feel you are the only one to suffer. If others can get out of pain, you too can with a winsome smile on your face.

*Watch a movie that is inspirational.Recently I watched the movie, I,Tonya, and was shaken by the enormous self will of the protagonist.

Remember everything is not lost till the breath is lost, so there is hope and time to make things good.

Besides, time is a great healer, just hold on and allow time to work its magic.

Years of human evolution has empowered us with many tricks of the trade of living, our spirit is tenacious, resilient and indefatigable. Believe in the power of your mind.

Good luck!

Surely, this too shall pass!!!

Hope you will read this.


Sreelekha mam

Connection chaotic

Everyone seeks to connect, to make meaningful relationships, be it with a friend, spouse, partner, children, colleagues and so on. Yet, it is one of the most difficult thing to achieve in life.

I wonder why in a world filled with lonely people, it is so difficult to find the right people to connect with.

Why do we struggle so much in making the right emotional connect?

Is it that we are all guided by some impractical, fancy notions of connections that most of us tend to feel incomplete and continue looking for making the right connect.

Well, I often think when love and affection and understanding is what a human soul, even Andrew(my cat), truly yearns for, what is that stops us from accepting love that comes our way and look for what is not available?


Perhaps real love or that soul connect that is talked about is just fanciful.

Couples who stay together for a long time, having weathered many storms even tend to look alike, some how changing themselves even in appearance, it is really something!

To grow old with a soul of your choice is what each individual looks forward to. Someone who would sort of stand up for you, or someone on whom you can lean on and not be judged.

Yet, it is one thing that is looks to be most difficult, besides, there is no school teaching this either!

In ‘The Glass Menagerie’ by Tenesse Williams, the mother nostalgically talks about the many’gentleman callers’ who routinely turned up at her home.

Yet the man who she married remains visible only in a portrait hung up on the wall!

So well it is not many trials that lead one to the right soul. Maybe, maybe not!

Besides, one can’t always be at a ‘whole sale market for souls’, with cries like ‘le lo’ ,’le lo’, ‘ selling at half price!!!’

Seriously, because in giving, there is a lot of taking, in taking there is a lot of giving, that is the reality of the soul exchange!!!

W.H. Auden’s Miss Gee is a sarcastic take on a woman who is unfulfilled, because she is unmarried, therefore she is unloved, and has therefore cancer eating into her flesh and soul, with no bosom, thin lips , she is a non-entity until she reaches the anatomy table to be mocked at by Mr. Rose, the surgeon and his students.


That is how single woman came out in public imagination, whether it is films or poetry or novels, the rude spinster, who holds a grudge and is loud and foul mouthed is a stereotype all too common.

Her solitude is her failure, her lack of charm, her lack of worthiness, lack of desirability making her a sort of social outcast out to ruin marriages, relationships and what not!

Well, a single man is not considered a loser, he may even be a philosopher, a writer, an ascetic, a noble soul, given to charity and other humanitarian causes, where as a single woman is a thing to despise, to not trust and to generally keep away from, especially if she also happens to be confident and comes across as courageous.

A gentleman talked about ‘ khuli gaay’ ‘untethered cow’, in a discussion about women’s safety and security.

What said the women, who, what did you just say???

The man sort of stammered, fumbled and cut the talk, perhaps realizing he belonged to ice age or maybe slyly thinking the women might be horrendous, especially the ‘talking types’!

I realize I have been meandering but unless there is acceptance of people as they are, the real connect can never happen.

Also, why do some of us, want to connect to the self same people? Hmmm… not sure!