Being acutely aware of transcience of life I write what strikes me at any moment, no, not for posterity but just for myself.
Every other day, I experience deep sadness for which I have no answer nor can I put a finger to why and where this comes from.
For life has been kind and the universe protective and caring in leading me through some rather tough phases of living that when I look back I know I could not have done all that alone.
Yet, my struggles are nothing compared to what a vast majority of the living experience, it is far too insignificant and immaterial, so there is really nothing much to make of it.
And the rewards of living have been, boundless too, so I struggle to understand the source of pain. Some pains and sorrows are of our own making, so it must be, I have to conclude.
But I do often fall into a maze of thoughts and feelings that seem to take wings and grow on me and often leave me confused.
So it was when I got up today and tried to reach the office, which I didn’t instead I informed the office of my absence and sat down in deep thought, waves of emotions and feelings that seemed to overpower me.
As I sat lost and in tears, seeking universal help perhaps, I was surrounded by a sweet fragrance that I have come to associate with my brother, Balraj.
For ever since his passing on to the other side, he has found time and means to reach out and be with me and it has always been this scent that comes out of nowhere, dancing around in the room.
I know this for sure because in a few seconds the sharp smell of dettol pierces my nostrils in a corona care regime that I have sort of installed in my home.
I ask for more, sometimes eager and even manipulative, coz they say we are only intermediaries for talents and abilities, but he stays on for a few moments and moves on.
This is not the first time nor will it be last I know.
Our souls are entwined in ways beyond living and have promises to look out for each other, often I think, I would have done the same to him, had I been the one to cross over early.
It is wonderful how even in our strife, we experience the divine, the souls from yonder and it only reaffirms my faith that life and death are merely transformational stages for the soul’s passing, and that one just needs to hang on in good faith and keep up the smiles and all will be good.
Too simplistic? perhaps, who said life is some complex game, it really is not, fundamental truths of living are simple and will remain the same, I guess.
Andrew, my cat, makes it a point to sit next to me in such times as if trying to tell me that he is there, its is kind of sweet of him.