My friend said that she would ideally have got her doctoral degree a good ten years back, but it did not happen.
Apparently, she had a tiff with her guide, who did not approve of her thesis, dilly dallying it for a decade!
That was a huge loss to her personal and professional life, literally!
Another friend of mine shared how a young girl that she knew had started her doctoral studies abroad and quit it after four years when her guide demanded sexual favors from her.
Four years of her life gone to dust and no degree either. Apparently, she was so devastated that she decided not even to pursue her case. She did not want to have to do anything with the man, ever again!
Years ago, when I completed my post graduation, my affable and much respected professor insisted, ‘you should do the phd’ . ‘Yes’, said I eager to please him.
When I started to find out about phd I heard so many stories of all kinds of manipulation that I decided long back what kind of guide I would like to have for my studies.
When I found an opportunity to work with a lady of mettle and character, I jumped at it, and it took me 20 years to get here, just to begin another journey of learning.
And I must count myself lucky to be where I am today under the tutelage of a friend who is also a guide. But not many are as lucky as I am.
Certain roles provide more avenues for the ill-intensions to manifest, even rarely, but it should not be the case, really. And one should be wary of getting into such traps.
Like in every relationship, one has to step forward with care, so it is with studies, who is your chosen buddy, who is your chosen mentor, who are the ones who form a part of your circle, choose them wisely.
Keep aside the narcissistic, egoistic boors out of your circle. They don’t deserve to have your friendship.
Life teaches you the value of introspection and self reliance, some times through difficult life experiences, which in retrospect, one realizes as being of great value.
|HAD I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,|
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
|W.B. Yeats (1865–1939)|
“He Wishes For the Cloths of Heaven”
from the Collected Works of W.B. Yeats
I have always loved these lines from W.B. Yeats but today I realized it has a different perspective as well.
To all the guides, mentors, philosophers, trainers, teachers, one has to say that you are valued more when you are kind, so tread softly, coz you are treading on someone’s dreams.
So, it is ok to start a bit late, just keep going, now that you have started, whatever your destination is.