All posts by adhyapika

Learning to live, living to learn


I am cannot possibly be just yours, said Sky, walking tall, his back upright and his voice tender even in pride.

You see, thousands prostrate in front of me, the clouds dance around me, the breeze blows for me, the oceans rise and fall for me often the earth sends me her ardent yearnings for love. Every life form blushes in deep love for me and rejoices in my presence.

A thousand souls look to me, many more worship me, others soak in my light and grow warm and glow,you must understand I am rather busy, in the real sense!

Besides to me you are one among the all, the multitudes, yes, I know you, see you, hear you even and you should be grateful for what I do for you.

Remember I sustain you, it is not the other way around. So stop this clinging and this unnecessary cringing and this over the top sentimentality. I got to run my course. I do. Millenia has watched me do the same. She knows, the universe, she knows it all. Ask her if you don’t believe me.

In all these years of shining, I have met many souls, beautiful like yourself, they come and go, like flowers in the garden, I watch them all. I love them all.

Allow me the pleasure to shine on all. I sustain lives many more than you can ever count but I know you, I hear you, and I even see you.

Rejoice in my presence, go celebrate the warmth of my love and feel one among others, all others, know that you are special, like others.

I know what you think, of what you doubt, but doubt not, my beloved, my love is true and it is pure but just that it is for all, yes, for all.

I give in surplus, I don’t know to hold back and I give everything my form, my breath, my length, my colours, myself, all of my thoughts, my dreams, so you see me and sometimes do try and hear me.

Yes, giving has exhausted me at times, pinched me to the core, yet, the universe knows, she knows it all, I have never stopped and I shall never ever do that.

Come, smile, let’s walk together till your journey’s end. Stay with me. Find me in your eyes, in your breath, in your dreams and your thoughts, after all you will come back to me and I shall embrace you again.

Again, doubt not, I know you, I hear you and of course, I see you.

I do.

Love’s manna

I know I know

love’s manna

is trickling to the soul

I feel I feel

the hand that holds

steadying a wavering frame

I hear I hear

a song that starts

far in the depths of a soul

I believe I believe

life’s purpose will lead me to the truth

the joy of finding is not far, not now

not anymore

I trust I trust

her heavenly wisdom

the charted course my life has led

I hope I hope

the blue skies hold many more secrets of the heart

the passing clouds sings songs of endearment

the breeze that blows brings tender dreams

a bird that flew cooed a song just for my ears

So rejoice, rejoice

in the smiles that come

butterflies that dance

the winds that bellow

and a cat that meows

is yet the love of the universe.

So sit back and wait

and look out for the eyes that meet.

In the cosmic scheme of things

I too have my place.

Silence of the soul

It is the silence of the souls that speak

volumes of life, love and living

those in-between spaces amidst the rush of words

the endless explanations of what was not there

and will never be

that which seeks to be heard and understood and held gently

when the hills call and the mountains nod

against the cold howling of winds by the lake

rushing past thundering doors leaving sometimes pain

sometimes hope and a will to survive

a blue sky looks down in benevolence sharing

some soul smiles and some more soul love

an azure hope sprouts thriving on dreams, fantasies

and fantastic fallacies of love, joy and pleasure of living

oscillating between hope of heart and fear of truth

yet the heart, ah the heart looks for a solid ground to hold

to anchor to thrive

weary of soul search and lost dreams.

This be life. This be living.

Sky love

He spread his golden wings for me to tread

lifting me on to clouds he let me fly

In his eternal wisdom he whispered love

Between the greys he hid the blues

waiting for me to find them out

Each time I tried to hold and pick myself

the sky sent his gentle smiles

and gushed in joy.

If this be love, so be it.

PS: Warm embrace, the evening sky

സോളോ ട്രിപ്പ്/ Solo Trip

ജീവിത യാത്രകൾ എല്ലാം ഒരു പക്ഷെ ഒരു സോളോ ട്രിപ്പ് മാത്രമാണ്. സ്വയം നിശ്ചയിക്കുന്ന നാഴിക കല്ലുകൾ ഓരോ മനുഷ്യനും സ്വയം തന്നെ വേണം കീഴടക്കാൻ.

അപ്പോൾ സൗഹ്രദങ്ങൾ, ബന്ധങ്ങൾ അവയുടെ പ്രസക്തിയെന്താണ്.കളിക്കളത്തിൽ ഇറങ്ങാതെ പുറത്തു നിന്ന് ആവേശം തരാൻ ശ്രമിക്കുന്ന ഒരു കൂട്ടം ചിയർ ലീഡേഴ്‌സ് ആണ് ചുറ്റിനും ഉള്ളവർ. അതായതു നിങ്ങളുടെ ജീവിതത്തിലെ അടുത്ത സിർക്ലസ് ഉള്ള ആളുകൾ. എത്രത്തോളും ഇൻവോൾവ്ഡ് ആണ് അവർ എന്നതിനെ ആശ്രയിച്ചിരിക്കും സോളോ ട്രിപ്പ് എന്ന ജീവിതമെന്ന ഈ നീണ്ട യാത്രയിൽ അവർക്കുള്ള പ്രസക്തി.

എങ്കിൽ കളിയുടെ ഫലം ആരെയാവും ആശ്രയിക്കുന്നത് ? തീർച്ചയായും കളിക്കളത്തിൽ ഇറങ്ങി നിൽക്കുന്ന കളിക്കാരുടെ മനോഭാവം, സ്കിൽ സെറ്റ് പിന്നെ അവരുടെ അർപ്പണ ഭാവം എല്ലാം കളിയുടെ ദിശ നിശ്ചയിക്കുന്നു.

സോളോ ട്രിപ്പിലെ സ്മാൾ സ്റ്റോപ്സ് ഫോർ ഫൺ ആൻഡ് കമ്പനി അതായിരിക്കണം ഫ്രണ്ട്‌സ് അല്ലെ. അല്ലെങ്കിലും സോളോ ട്രിപ്‌സ് മാത്രമാണ് ജീവിതം എങ്കിൽ കുടുംബ ബന്ധങ്ങളും സൗഹ്രദങ്ങളും എന്തിനാണ്?

‘എല്ലാ ചോദ്യത്തിനും ഉത്തരം പറയാം എന്ന് ഞാൻ ഏറ്റിട്ടില്ല കുറച്ചൊക്കെ തന്നെത്തന്നെ കണ്ടു പിടിക്കണം. കുറച്ചു കാലമായല്ലോ ഇവിടെ കൂടിയിട്ട്? അല്ല പിന്നെ.’

ഓരോ പ്രാന്ത്. ശകലം മാറിയിരുന്നു അയാൾ സിഗരറ്റ് ആഞ്ഞു വലിക്കാൻ തുടങ്ങി.

രാവിലെ തന്നെ തുടങ്ങിക്കോളും’.

‘All fundamental questions of life are to be answered by the self.’

He scribbled on the wall and walked away.

മഞ്ഞ് തുള്ളിയും മനുഷ്യനും

മഞ്ഞ് തുള്ളിയാണൂ മനുഷ്യൻ
വികാരങ്ങളുടെ വിചിത്ര വിചാരങ്ങളുടെ
പിടിയിൽ അമർന്നു അലിഞ്ഞില്ലാതാവുന്ന
ഒരു ആത്മാവിന്റെ കഥയാണ് ഓരോ മനുഷ്യ

മണ്ണിൻതരിയാണ് ഓരോ മനുഷ്യ ജീവിതവും
കാലത്തിന്റെ അടിച്ചമർത്തലിൽ അരഞ്ഞു
പൊടി പൊടിയായി മണ്ണിലേക്ക് ചേരുന്ന
ഒരു പൊടി പടലമാണ് ഓരോ ജീവനും

നീലാകാശത്തിലെ പാറി നടക്കുന്ന മേഘമാണ്
ഓരോ മനുഷ്യ സ്വപ്നവും
ജീവ വായുവിന്റെ ഗതിയിൽ
വഴി മാറി സഞ്ചരിച്ചു
മഴവില്ലും മഴയും മഞ്ഞ് തുള്ളിയും
ആയി തീരുന്നു ഓരോ മനുഷ്യ ജീവിതവും

Songs of the heart

Lonely hearts sing the most

bleating painful tunes to skies above

as birds go chirping the heavens awake

but the songs of the heart wander about

searching for a house to home in

in the winters when the lakes freeze

the nights grow colder severe

the pains grow intense , so do the hurts

then the songs wake up and sing again

the hopes are the same

the tunes vary and the universe laughs it out

ain’t she seen it enough already!

Success as a process

Success as a process & continuous growth

We are all merely products in the making, eachone of us whatever our positions, age, gender be, we are continuously evolving into better beings. There is really no such a thing as a finished, completely polished, well rounded human because life forces us to continue our studentship as long as we breathe. And definitely, there is no shame in who we are at any point of time. So, it is quite ok to be not capable enough, not great enough and so on, as long as we continue to learn and grow in our own way. The hype of success and achievement in the society is such that it pushes many of us to measure ourselves against unrealistic standards and dampen our self confidence.

Like everything else, success is organic and it comes over a period of time, unlike the instant fame and ‘going viral’ episodes, which are nothing but rare happy accidents. Well, that gives all of us a chance to accept and embrace ourselves a little more!

Of my first book ever

While I was a happy, super confident chirpy girl in my childhood, I changed into a clumsy, quiet and unsure young adult as soon as I entered college. I had big trouble lifting my head and looking up at others. A huge blanket of shyness fell on me with such heaviness that I was convinced I must be the most stupid,incapable and unattractive person on the planet.

Compliments, if they came, made me cringe and want to hide. A part of me did see this anomaly in a person who loved the sky and dreamed of fierce independence and took to scooter riding at a time when there were few girls riding a scooter in a quaint town like Palakkad. (Well! that was the height of adventure, I could think of)

Yet, I swung between extreme feelings of inadequacies and my unsure attempts at breaking the shell somehow did not bear fruit, perhaps due to my own lack of conviction.

So, it went on and I agreed with great reluctance to settle for marriage partly because I knew I was quite unworthy of anything better and also due to the fact that I was afraid of hurting my parents.

Well, the marriage gifted me a beautiful daughter whose presence reinforced my desire to claim the more carefree, happy part of me which I did in slow steady measures.

While I still quivered at home in response to loud words and angry expressions, I easily found joy at work and in the company of my daughter. I had no complaints. I sensed a certain freeing of my soul out of the bond of self shaming, inadequacies and other such thoughts. The fact that I was a teacher, helped me too as it pushed me to put the interest of my students, because how does a shy teacher help anyone? Like everything, confidence grew quickly, the fiercer aspects of my personality slowly gaining an upper hand and creating more areas to express myself.

Yet, I was ashamed of my writing, which is ironical because even as a child, I had dreamed and believed that one day I will be a writer and that the world will read what I have to say. So my fence sitting and bafflement went on till I discovered blogging and decided to keep aside my doubts and write, just write and that’s what I did.

I knew that writing was a vent, a practice in healing, an affirmation of self, so much so that I felt compelled to share, just share, almost everyday.

When I look at how far I have come as a person, how I am reclaiming parts of me that belonged to my childhood, I am impressed and grateful for the universe having taken me through a long winded journey which was sometimes arduous to get me here.

I breathe freer now, smile more, and express my self more, and this fuels my spirit somehow.

So, I decided to bring out my writings in print. I agonized over the decision yet stuck to it somehow and asked myself, ‘if not now, then when?’

I knew the answer.

So there it is print, my first book- An Azure World, Selected poems and prose- and it does look organic to me now, more than ever.

All things happen in good time. At wordpress, my good friend and fellow wordpresser- Albert at Albits urged me to do this a few years ago. I loved the fact that he said it to me, Thank you Albert!

Writers joy!

Crossroads of living

How often have we met

at the crossroads of living

love, you have been always charging

against goals that seem to be shifting

the lamp posts have stood the test of time

so have I

standing still amidst the entrancing

dance of time

it is unusual then that we have never met

the sky has often send his directives

the sun has often glared and frowned

sent me into shelters for brief moments

but the heart, the heart

knowing how it is hopelessly lost in hope

looks around, it does, it does

faraway sirens scream, shuffling feet

muffled voices, silences that speak

here I look for love in the sunset