All posts by adhyapika

Learning to live, living to learn

ARE YOU SICK? How to unsick?

Not really.

Sick, how funny?!!!

When Anu reached out to a friend, seeking some company and comfort,

She was asked, are you sick?

In the hindsight, thought Anu, it must be a certain kind of sickness, to

seek and not to be heard and to seek again.


It has been a fun journey so far.

She looked at life through the prism of an observer.

She thought of life and its many turns and somersaults.

Her inability to socialize and have new friends and her meaningless

clinging to the few , she thought she could count on.

But why?

Well, said Anu, I am like this, ‘sick!’, ha…ha…ha…

There have been times of wanting to give up.

Of just packing up and disappearing into the unknown, some third

level…just like that.

Sometimes Anu said, it is the inability to communicate and the

incapability to be understood.

Sometimes, it is merely claustrophobia of life situations….inability to

breathe freely.

Sometimes it is acute loneliness, a global phenomena, yes, but a very

personal experience.

Then work, just work to forget pain, and then pain and the cycle endlessly.

But also the learning, the growth, the change, and the many joys of work.

Anu looked at herself and found the distance she travelled has had a telling effect on her and


Because the world is in pain, worms, birds, animals, waters, the very air is

in pain, such pain that even the skies can’t assuage them.

In such pain, amidst such suffering, what is one man’s sorrow of not being

understood, it is nothing against acute hunger of so many children.

So, relax, you are good, Anu told herself.

You are very good. In fact you are fortunate.

Very fortunate.

Cause your blessings far outnumber your grievances or would your smile

stay so long?

Just keep up the smiles.

Much is yet to be experienced, including the finer emotions, the nobler

ones, the crux of all life and living.

Many roads await a traveler quaint and curious.

Many stories wish to be retold.

Many souls await the reaching of a mindful listener.

So keep the hope.

The universe has been demanding, a ruthless teacher, relentless in her

teachings and that has helped. How beautifully it has changed you.

So be grateful.

The struggles have made your soul more beautiful, helped you to judge

less and be kinder and more compassionate.

So find your strength in expression, in deeds, in words.

Life helped you shed quite a lot of inhibitions.

It taught you that self reliance is worthy and appreciable.

So strengthen self.

To travel, to meet new faces, to have fun, to write and to read.

Even to build, to hold and help.

Because you are capable, loving and kind.

There is hope for you, love for you, wealth and the sky for you.

Trust me, life is just getting sweeter, like the proverbial gooseberry,

the bitterness is over, it is time for saccharine sweetness.

So reach out and embrace the many adventures of life.

Besides, you got to love yourself before you loved anyone else.

So splurge in love, in tender care, and share happiness with the world.

You will have great company.

Great joys await you.

As does great work.

Go girl, live your life.



PS: Friends, mentors, many foes, never, none! Beautiful life.

Settled! Eh!

Anu hates it when people ask this question.

The last decade unsettled her every which way.

Running from pillar to post, counting on ways to meet the ends.

So, she ran from job to job and home to home and relishing the fact that ‘ I am so compatible, see!’, marveling at her own adaptability in between her low, ‘tear shed’ and ‘heart break’ times. One thing she noticed is that the heart that trembled and the thoughts that muddled, cleared after she sent a few SOS here and there randomly. Some times there was help or a cheerful ‘hi’, sometimes there were none, but the expression of anxiety helps and a path does show itself.

Whenever, she sat down to take a breath, life whispered, ‘Here’s the new challenge! Go get that’, with almost an evil laughter.

So, when storms gathered threatening to submerge her , she put on her armor, wrote a few things, shed a few tears and rasped ‘here I come!’.

‘Oh! so it started like this, and now you are here., look at you!

;Oh! so you earned this much, and spent all, tsh, tsh.

‘But this girl, she is yours, wow, congratulations.

So, you are still smiling, how is that really?!!!’

Packing bags at landing at her home with a cry for help was never an option, so there she stood, as storms gather, clouds darken, she knows for sure a hand or two will reach out, most importantly the armor is intact and can stand a few more battles, so why not?

If spice is what life offers, take it and make a sambhar, aur kya???

Besides in the game of life, who ever settled, really!!!!

Soul (Dis)connect & impending change

It does amuse me to think of how souls are connected to each other despite our many differences and our distances. So, when the grumpy superior taunts, teases and almost insults, I look at her, most amused at this sudden outpouring of powerful emotions, is she aware of what she is thus exposing? Does it augur well for me? Do I now have to renew the resume and restart the search?

Perhaps it is a good omen, perhaps there is something bigger. And well, what about karma, isn’t karma supposed to kick in and reward me for unparalleled good deeds?

Well, I know them to be so, I thought a bit unsure as I mulled over it longer.

What oil rich countries now need the service of a classy, trained, patient and wonderfully skilled charismatic English teacher? What wonderful adventures await the charming soul in such travels?

What great institutions are suffering, being deprived of the enlightenment that this humble at times slightly arrogant individual alone can provide?

What MNCs are waiting to unload treasures from their coffers to the good skills and great abilities that this wonderful person can alone provide?

What sagely wisdom now awaits the mighty pen of the mightier writer?

What casts/pod or otherwise have now to be shared in the clouds?

Is this now the chance to ‘influence’ and turn an ‘influencer’, maybe?

In a world of’ unique you’, ain’t I the only one with no replacement?

Perchance there is the possibility of her founding a grand institution, one that helps and heals and stands by women? How mightily noble does that sound?

What noble soul albeit rich in heart and kind shall now manifest to lend a hand,( knights in armor are still female fantasies!!! despite feminism the truth of life is that the man gets it all, so better get the man and then get all, right?)

Whither the winds of corona dost thou steer my ship???

The idiosyncrasies of the mind are relentless and allow me the humor to stand apart and look at this phase of my life, thinking this too shall pass……

Until such time Cheerio!

Friends and dreams- of Pursuing alternative therapy in kerala

So, I catch up with a friend on a whim, and lo, the girl who rarely has time being busy taking care of everyone else, picks the call and we talk for straight two hours. For the two hours , the smile that stayed on my face made me at once sad and happy, sad for how we have missed talking for long and happy for how we enjoyed this catching up.

My sweet friend was always enterprising and energetic. Her cheerful giggles and laughter was her hallmark then, when we were in college and now two decades later, I am happy to hear the same chirpiness in her voice.

Being self driven, effusive and full of life, she always longed to do more. She tried her hand at running a boutique which was quite popular given her sense of fashion, outgoing nature and enterprise. Yet, the past few years, she has been a student of alternative medicines.

Her shift to alternative medicines started with her mom’s untimely death, being the youngest to two brothers, she was her mom’s pet and this incident shook her badly.

What started as a cursory superficial interest in acupuncture, yoga, Dorn therapy and so on got her in touch with some of the brightest and best minds in the field.

She also became quite popular in her area, where people the locals turned to her for solace and some advice.

When some of her friends, her family turned to her for suggestions on’ ‘how do we do this’, ‘what is happening to me’, my diligent sweet friend tended to them with care.

‘Perhaps this was my call’, she said smilingly, ‘I never wanted to learn anything about English, really!’, she chuckled.

When her loving husband built her the clinic she so wanted in front of her home and also joined the same course out of his love for her, she says, ‘life has indeed come to a full circle.’

Recently, she did fall sick and badly too, when I called her, she smiled,’yeah, I am alive, good you called me!’.

She talks earnestly of how alternative therapies are looked down as some ‘mumbo jumbo’ and how allopathy or the so called, ‘English ‘ medicine always gets an upper hand.

In fact, it is patients who give up hope on ‘allopathy’ , who go scrambling for acupuncture, Dorn therapy and more.

‘Someday you should talk to more people, maybe even teach, and come online and share your wisdom with world’, I insisted. ‘If he is ok, I will,’ she said and went quiet.

Stay cheerful, dear Sof, there’s many who will thank you for bringing joy to their lives.

I have personally experienced the benefits of a bit of care and love, and some so-called, ‘slow therapies’ in my life but Rujuta Diwekar, the now very famous dietician made a scathing remark on our blind trust of experts and equally blind distrust of traditional foods. ‘If the doctor prescribes a medicine, you will take it without question, but when your mom or grand mom tries to convince you of the benefit of turmeric milk at night, yoga or say, the ubiquitous ‘kaada’, that miraculous cure for sore throat, you resist, but why?’, she asks. Well, she is right. Our fear of being not so progressive and cultured, perhaps of being called jingoistic, stops us from appreciating the ‘mumbo jumbo’ of alternative therapies, which have been around for centuries!

A demonstration of Dorn Therapy

Ps: Grass is grass, till you learn to name it, or realize what value it has!

So, what do you really want?

Say fast, what do you want, really???

For yourself, yeah, just for you.

Tell now.



I go quiet, inhale, exhale.

Tell, just tell.

Go to the home in Varandhirapilly.

Stay there.

Do some thing.

Teach or train.

Grow my own food.

Sit out in the sun.

Be there for achan and amma.

Earn enough to be comfortable.

Take care of self.

Take care of others.

Reach out and help.

And write.



tell stories, maybe.


Ok. Then do no……

I laugh.

She nods her head, rolls her eyes.

You will manage?

You bet!!!

More nods, more rolling of eyes.

Ps: The other side.

of seeking help

“You don’t have ego”, said the man. Anu wondered if he meant it the good way or the bad way.

She kept quiet and went into turmoil for sometime. Later though, she concluded on her own, ‘perhaps it a good thing after all.’

When faced with struggles she rarely hesitates to seek help and this has helped, seriously, in different ways and has also bolstered her faith in the collective goodness of humanity.

When at crossroads, she always reached out.

Did some of those to whom she reached out, misunderstand her intentions or her familiarity? Perhaps they did. Who is to tell?

But reach out she does, unabashedly and as easily as she can be reached out to.

The results have been pretty impressive to sort of reinforce in her belief of one humanity-knotted even in separation.

A friend who finds time to listen, to ask a few pertinent questions and promises to check on her a week later, now, if that is not a gift worth having, what is?

A student who reaches out to ask, ‘all good mam’, ‘let me know if you need help’, really! this world is so good already.

‘Write’, said another, ‘just write I will read, if no one else’ and she laughed out loudly.

‘Looks like you need a break, care to join me to watch a contemporary dance performance?’

‘Here, let me help you do this, ah! you are not that bad are you!’.

‘Care to talk for sometime’, ‘let me get you a coffee’.

‘So, I know your work, don’t I’, ‘Will set that right’.

‘So you look radiant, what have you done to yourself recently’.

‘Ok, ma, just relax, you can do it. It is just a matter of figuring it out’

‘You are one strong girl aren’t you, if anyone says it differently, give my number, I will have a talk and I mean it’

‘Lazy, you!!!! goodness, whoever said that’

‘Go, take a break. Try a trip. Indulge yourself and you know what your mind is just going to flourish again, you will bounce back girl’.

‘When I tell you good things, you don’t listen, if anyone else says, its a big thing for you, hun…”

Kind souls, kinder words, spending time and effort to cheer someone up.

Sometimes the world overwhelms her with its kindness and she does embarrass me with her over eager, over enthusiastic self, over animated face, but tell me if 2021 doesn’t look beautiful already!

Study Buddy

So there I was breaking my head and a part of my heart over nothing when Sudha called,’ So, what did you do so far?’ .

‘What’, asked I.

‘Your studies girl’.

‘Oh! Ohk!’

‘hmm doing it’.

‘So I am going to register for this thing, it’s a must now right . Now I am going to pester you, and you call and ask after me, ok’, she said.

‘Ohk, done’

‘Now answer my question, you have started the work or still idling?’

‘No, doing it actually have the draft ready’.

‘So send it to your guide and get approval. Don’t sit over it ok’.

‘Ok’, said I still unable to believe my luck.

So, there she is my study buddy.

‘love much’

‘much love’

done, dana done!

Sudha explained to me the need of a study buddy. ‘So when we were studying in school or college, we were doing just that,studies I mean and still how distracted we were. The support or the interest of a friend in our progress did motivate us, right’.

‘Now studying when life is full swing, with so many things going on in different directions, it is sure going to be more difficult, even when your intentions are right and you are still somewhat bright’, she laughed.

‘So, now I am your study buddy ok, so what if my subject is different from yours, doesn’t matter’.

‘I am going to do my PhD at Indian Institute of Science, no less!’

‘So, your job is to inquire after me and keep me motivated’.

‘Ok’, said I surprised and much pleased.

‘I will be calling you, ok, now get back to some good work!’

Oh, wow, I thought, ‘ Who told her of my dire need?’

I was reminded of a Sudha here and a Sudha there in all my study tasks.

At school in Seventh Day Adventist School, Kaniampuram, the beautiful cherubic Sudha who loved sports and spoke animatedly. At Government Victoria College, Palakkad, Sudha with pink cheeks and sprightliness that kept us so glued that we were called soul sisters and now a Sudha so spirited that she is going to change a few things! Whew! Life!