Category Archives: #reflections

She told the sky

Be with me, will you

she told the sky and he smiled

she asked for a moment

And he turned around

Out against the raging storms

the rising oceans

the smouldering clouds

her heart waned and waxed

in love and pain and hurt

in moments of gloom

he sometimes became a twinkling star

yet so far so far so far

she feared the heart that yearned so much

the tongue that spelt

the thoughts that felt

deep imprints on the soul

but the voice,ah, the voice

like none she found

called out in dreams

and lonely nights

bewildering and soothing all at once

fearful of showing

and tearing to break

the dreams strecth asking for courage

travelling on sighs the tears swell

the spirit though looked on and laughed

as if she were a stranger far

so gathering cold spread from

outside in or inside out

thus, she thought and held silence!

Ps: thoughts that rise

Chaotic Winter Dreams

Dont ask me of the ways

or waywardness of the mind

nor of the sudden surges of emotion

that create runaway commotions

and rock the heart of its seat

hither tither everywhere

nor of the calm that sometimes possess

and emanate from the deep soul

crafting a carefree bubble as it were

and holds a pain and a smile alike

kissing it all azure love

in winters when the hearts grow warm in hope

dreams float in distant entranced thoughts

a shoulder perhaps hopes to hold a hermit

and grow together in dreams and do’s

dreams maythen grow roots in fantasies

and find ways to travel to realities

coz tomorrows come and paint pictures that

hold a hand, lend a hope, watch a smile and watch it again

Sky Madness

‘You must be mad’, said the sky

‘to cling to me like a child

to yearn for attention

and ask for affection

remember life is a lone toil

get on, get moving’

‘but, but’, she tried to express

‘I have always been strong

stood straight and leaned on self

sometimes to have a hand to hold

or a ear to hear

or a friend to share a smile

or just to laugh out loud

is just rightful wishing, hmm?’

‘Perhaps’ he nodded a bit annoyed

‘the stars are many

my vision unlimited

my journey is to the unknown

time is too precious

if at the turn of the horizon yonder

where the blue skies meet the rainbows

where thunders gather their light and fire

where the sun comes to fill his quota of light

there the stars dance till it is night

if we meet there we will see

till then, ciao, until we meet again’

and she was glum and a bit lost.

Walk away

Walk away walk away

steady steps

feet so sure

against the rains

the raging storms

the thunder strike

or welling tears

walk away walk ahead

straight the back

high the head

sing a song

lull the fears

take the plunge

erase the past

walk away

to bright morrows

that beckon from far

hopes that shine

and smiles that grow

walk away walk away

Faraway, faraway

faraway, farway

I hear a song

sung for me

I hear the tune

I note the swing

in the wind

and the dancing leaves

the sky so far

the clouds now so dark

and then so light, now finely sit

around a hope and fan it true

in the heart there grows a dream

that reaches the eyes and sheds in tears

grows in sighs and forlorn smiles

then looks ahead at the western sky

glimmering sun setting far takes with him

the shreds of pain, the shards of shame

and leaves behind a blushing hue

of a faraway song,

of a faraway song

sung for me against the western sky!

PS: a song break- why holidays are good!

To click or not to click

Yesterday we had visitors at home. My brother’s best friend who has since been adopted as ‘son’ by my mom and dad, when my father gushingly admits, ‘he calls me his achan’, making me smile, visited us with his adorable kids and his beautiful highly educated wife.

As the talks veered into different directions, me and mom nudged the kiddos to sing a song or say something and they did with great elan. We clapped and roared in laughter at their enthusiasm.

As I was in the moment, my mind urged me to capture that moment, while another part asked me to let the event be, let the moment happen as it is, it is not necessary to capture everything and share, in this case with my daughter!

So, I kept wondering at that urge in me to share these days and the use of the gadget to interefere in moments of joy, moments of sheer happiness awe or wonder at something that is not an everyday stuff or just a new perspective at what is indeed an ‘everyday seen in a new light’.

Anyways like everything else clicking pictures of anything and everything is well, another way to communicate, perhaps!

So what you do you think? Do you also reach out to your phone to capture a moment, all too soon, or do let it go by, lost to posterity!

Just go girl!

Of many things that is difficult, is the ability to be with oneself. Really, to be able to accept who you are, how you are is a very difficult task.

For years I have known myself to struggle with self acceptance, I have sought validation from others, sometimes from work, at times from colleagues and often from my parents and always from my daughter.

The details of why this acceptance was difficult are not one but too many. Yet, there has always forever been a need to be heard and understood. If not understood but atleast to be heard, ‘hear me’, hear me out’ my soul seemed to cry out.

And then came writing and with it a huge sense of validation. A feeling of being heard and understood, maybe maybe not, but definitely the thirsty sharer in me, found a space, and a positive one at that.

Some time in 2014, I came to realise how all human experiences are more or less similar, though the timelines and the intensity may differ and that there is essentially no shame in sharing, that was partly because of ISABS and many other such experiences that I came to be part of. And that helped and stayed with me.

So, it is not difficult then to share, but to be understood is a different ball game altogether, but that is ok, I guess. Whoever felt understood totally, in life. When understanding self takes a whole life time, how can one expect others to make sense of who you are.

In all this introspection and the need to be heard, I decided to take myself out, yes, after quite sometime, I went out with myself. I was at leisure, I was the observer and the observed. I found it fascinating how the act of stepping out itself seemed to energize me.

Suddenly I was lighter and the world merrier and azure indeed!

Yes, I felt assured too, reassured of my time on the planet and maybe a small part of the ‘why’.

Sometimes, just sometimes then

go sit with yourself with a mug of coffee

spreading its aroma in the room and filling

your nostrils with an other worldliness

sometimes, just sometimes, go take yourself out

dress up and put on that dash of a lipstick

and admire yourself, feel beautiful

go saunter in the malls, stand and watch

its ok to do that alone, you are aware of it

for the onlookers you are just having a ball

so just have a heluva time with yourself

sit down at the restraunt and watch

and smile sometimes at random strangers

and be surprised when they smile back

the world is not all that bad or brooding nor dull

be your own good company, remember to love yourself

before you find someone to love you as your own.

Go pick up a cycle, barge into a dance class, enter a pub

do whatever that your heart calls for.

Cluck your heels, show your skirts short, long whatever

put on that pant, and that top and don’t be shy of showing

some skin, its ok, coz you know what Maya Angelou said

Coz in yourself, in your own true self, you are phenomenal too

go embrace yourself and put out a pic, don’t be afraid of judgement

after much living, what is with so much thinking

if in 50’s you are as you were in 20’s then what for

were the life changing experiences for you

what did you unravel, what layers did you shed

look yourself in the eye and the world looks up to you

Just go girl! Just go!

Why not to webinars

I often think of how asking ‘why not’ has changed my life in ways that are beyond my comprehension but definitely to my liking, yes, most of it, I must admit.

So when I am asked will you participate in the Toastmasters? ‘why not? ‘ , I go and end up reaching the finals. That experience in 2014 sort of cemented my urge to say ‘why not’ and I have landed up in most unlikely places eversince.

From the recent dandiya to the upcoming webinar on Enviornmental Communication to bringing out a book to what not? The why nots have definitely led a lot of what nots… and often has me surprised!

I hope to in the near future be only writing and doing my research of communities and community practices in Kerala with a bit of teaching for sustenance. To that end, I thought of putting up the invite to the upcoming webinar here and get some solid feedback so that I improve and continue learning.

Here it is!

Coz like Andrew Marvell told to his coy mistress a few centuries back

‘Time’s wingèd chariot hurrying near:

And yonder all before us lye.

Deserts of vast Eternity.’

In the wake of swiftly changing climatic conditions its time we all did our bit, and hopefully the universe approve and watches over us!

Solo dance, Life

I sit at home grumpy,sad and irritated. There’s no friend in sight. Nobody. Not a soul.

Friends, colleagues families have packed and left for the long weekend. I knew this was coming. I knew I am going to feel low. I knew it is going to hurt big time and it did.

But it is difficult to reconcile with reality even when you know what is and why it is so. Except for Andrew’s long and short meows there is no noise at home. Instead of research that I should do I am angry and upset for no particular reason.

I wait for a friend to turn up. Friends have friends and families !!!! I am busy playing the victim, the god forsaken soul, left on an island… why? why?

Fine. I decide enough is enough solo is not solitude and like Matteo Bocelli I will find my way.

Solo, Matteo Bocelli

Besides I am good at taking care of myself. I will do it. So I set off to get a bicycle yep to ride to glory.

Its been years since I did it but it should be good. The cycle shops are not selling cycles anymore but a fashion statement and my purse is going to be stretched too far… I come back now less gloomy!

Anyways, back home I have a visitor, ‘ would you like to dance for the dandiya?’ dance, me! Well, I wanted to invite your daughter but since she is not here, why don’t you come, said the neighbour in a compensatory tone.

‘Ok!’ I say, desperate for company, ‘I would love to, nay, I will’ and end up attending 2 practice sessions and go all the way to hit the dance floor literally!

My body is not amused at such onslaught of vigor, ‘what for’. it demands angrily and sulks big time!

But dance I did in my effort to find new friends and some new spaces outside the books, research and I must say I enjoyed it.

Walking in alone into a space of families did make me feel awkward initially but soon I got over it and relaxed, I counselled myself and said, ‘its ok, afterall alone is no crime, you are in a happy space, don’t you see that!’

I did of course, and soon lost myself in the dance.

Sometimes you got to shake the statusquo! So I did!

And found a surprise visitor at home!

And a promise of a friend who said, ‘I come when I say I will’ and I had to laugh!

Then says my dear chechi, ‘Lekha come home tomorrow ok!’. ‘I will’, I say happily.

Who does one thank except the universe for such unexpected offers of good company!

Ain’t it a good life after all!