Without even thinking about it, I had signed up for a loan, a home loan at that and had moved into what is to me the best home on the planet.

Feels good, definitely, yes. The resettling of things, re-allotment of spaces, my corner, your corner, the book land , the production unit and what not! The  teenager at home, one who cares for you and is grateful for what you do is a blessing though! The tasks seem lighter than they are. The sense of small, yet significant achievement touches the core of your heart and which mother would not move worlds for her kid!

Good times, yes, definitely. While negotiating with the agent for a 1000 Rs less, he laughed almost sarcastically, you would end up paying more than double of what you got from the bank mam, why are you grudging me my share?! So, here it is, you take it. I give in tears in my eyes. Then the gentleman whose beautiful home, I had stayed in as a tenant thought little of losing an opportunity to make some moolah of the mess. You got to pay me the rent of a month as you did not inform me one month in advance. Oh! but I quit my job with a notice of less than a month. That doesn’t cut ice with him. There goes another lump-some, leaving a huge lump of pain in my throat. The way to your own home is definitely loaded with surprises.

6 years ago, working as a school teacher and  holding the roof  almost by myself, I had not thought of ever being able to think of owning a home. Nor did I feel the need. But some things happen because of others, mom, dad, daughter, their belief  in me, gives me belief in myself and I plunge ahead.

Like the little daily battles I have been waging to keep my head above the waters, to keep it all floating, I knew this too will pass. What you start off, will definitely come to an end, pleasant or unpleasant. Then surprising me the owner off the house, comes forward, mam, here you take this amount. Pay  me later! Who does that to a stranger? I am beyond shocking now.

Life looks like adventures stringed together to test the mettle, to make you tougher, sharper, stronger. Once you move ahead, there is no looking back  you hardly get a chance to. At one point, my daily bread threatened to disappear, and as if by magic another bread basket arrived at my work table, can you do this? Yes, why not? I will, I love nothing more than teaching. To teach in a college has been a life long ambition. Well, I might just do my doctorate even, how cool is that?

As I sit down with myself with a cup of coffee, unkempt, tired, I realize the huge responsibility on my shoulders and my stupidity or intelligence in taking the decisions I have taken in search of an abode in a transient world. But like every other time, I chose to step out of my comfort zone and explore, life amazes me with her benevolence, opening doors unseen, manifesting angels unknown, in general, making the journey worth the trouble.

Sitting down with myself today

after days of thoughtless toil

of  unending creases on the forehead

of sleeplessness and fear,naked, gripping, crippling

of kind words from unexpected quarters

of a message or a thought from nowhere

yielding solace , bolstering blind optimism

the tired yet bright smile of small victories

of  endless sharing of energies

of escape from what is not  yours anyways

of entering new areas of knowledge, challenges and growth

of keeping calm in turmoil and of the many delights of living.

of doing what you can in any given situation

of the karmic scale of balances that tilt

of being who you are,even when you are not yourself

of supposed indignation, arrogance and over-ambition

of  staying alive as long as you live.