Tag Archives: #care

Of yeats and friends

http://www.elise.com/q/quotes/yeats.htm

HAD I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
W.B. Yeats (1865–1939)
“He Wishes For the Cloths of Heaven”
from the Collected Works of W.B. Yeats

If only one could tailor make friends who had time and good will, how wonderful it would be? How enchanting would such relationships of understanding be where words need not be spoken, mere thoughts would set sail, connect and collaborate? How is one to find souls alike in a journey so full of set backs?

Whither the sail, my friend, whither thy care and solace? What travails has the life to offer further? Wherefrom shall smiles now sprout from a soul so damaged?

What lessons, dear universe, does thou now offer? What tribulations to meet the journey’s end? Whither are the inns to spread one’s legs and sit down a bit, which comrade is to join to cheer?

Coz to walk the path of dreams is most difficult, to chin up and face is most daunting, tell me, dear universe, does thou send thy messaih, the saviour, the friend and the benefactor?

At what turn should she wait? What shall be the sign of care? Whither comes the stop?

Even the strongest can sometimes want to lean

the bravest sometimes might want to be shy

the winners may not always win

the courage too needs some filling

the giver may sometimes want to be given.

Watch your desires

‘Sometimes we need to be careful of what we ask for. Life gives you what you ask and so you have to be cautious about what you put out to the universe. ‘

My beloved friend was heart broken at the news of the loss of lives of his dear and near ones in his village. He was far away and could not do anything .

‘I do everything, Lekha’, he said his words aching with pain. ‘I reach out. I call every day and I support everyone but’… the words were washed out in agonised silence.

‘When the elderly at home are in pain, I can only watch from far. That is my tragedy.

You see, I have everything, I am reasonably rich, I have been successful. I have a beautiful family, yet I ache to go back and now it is near to impossible.

My children are of this land. They will never be able to adjust to my state or the ways of life there.

Its like a trap.

I come from a agrarian family. We have always had enough. Yet, once I saw an aunt who had returned from the States. It intrigued me so much that I went to inquire about studying abroad. When that did not materialize, I decided to move abroad for work and that is what I did.

Sometimes I think why it is important for all of us not to be successful. Some of us should be just ok. Ok enough to stay back with our parents. Ok enough to have no high flying ambitions to conquer the world.

At a time when there is a crisis, I can send them money, help, assistance but I cannot be present there in person.

This corona has stung me hard. It pains me everytime I think of it. What is the purpose of my achievements if I can not be of use to my parents in time of their need?

Know what you are asking for in life, Lekha. It is important otherwise you will end up feeling trapped in situations of your own making and will have no way to come out of it. ‘

My dear friend is an empath, he reaches out to all of his friends from school to college and even to their siblings and parents. He does not hesitate to help in kind when needed.

Yet, when he said these words, I realized how life has its own course to run. Another friend of mine, moved back to Chennai a few years ago, and she reasoned, ‘you know Lekha, we don’t get good tomatoes here and children’s education is better there’ . Really, I was surprised, never heard this being the reason for someone moving back to India before!

What would I tell my dear friend then who is in a dilemma, ‘relax and go about life and know that we all have the power to change anything anytime, really!. Trust your instincts’.

At times, I am offered options to move to Canada, USA and other places but seriously, all I want to do is to move closer home, yeah right back to where my parents are!

It is stressful, I agree and surely we can’t stand each other too long but may be I can put myself up at a safe yet close distance!!!

I watch their relief as I am around for a few months, the issues of internet, changing the password, going to the bank, looking up something on internet , the magic of google pay or just staying put and having dinner together. I see how much fumbling or fuming in fury is avoided in the comfort of a younger person. It is something I would not have noticed or thought about. Age does catch up and those who you thought were invincible are humbled by the advancement of years, to some extent at least.

Parents would never talk about it, but when you stay around you watch, you see and understand and probably want to give them the care they deserve.

This is my world. Yes, not everything is rosy here but it will not be so anywhere else as well.

Home is where your heart is.

Find joys around you. Live life as you wish in your place. Yes, it is not easy, but who ever said that life is a cake walk!

Angel’s PAssing

I think of how it was to come back from work and lie down,when I saw in front of me a figure of a little girl rising up next to my bed. I sit up and as if in a trance, I pick up the address book and frantically search and find my best friend’s number and call.

After much ringing, a sage voice replied, ‘She is in mourning. She lost her child’.

I am shocked and sit back. A few days later I gather courage to call again and she tells me her ordeal of having to take a sick child quivering in fever to the nearest hospital. The doctor asked her to wait and she did hold her girl in her hand. By the time her turn came, there was nothing to do. The young mother shared and I listened, knowing no way to console. Our friendship of many many years had no balm just deep listening.

The vision stays with me and I cannot explain how and why this happened because I have not seen the child. It was good 10 years after me and my friend met briefly that this happened.

Loss of dear ones impact us deeply. The passing of Balraj.k left a deep vacuum in our lives. The blank space of someone who had time for everyone and was perpetually interested in our lives, my life and had time to listen everytime.

Eversince one looks to be heard, heard and finds no ears willing but then such are lessons of living.

So I listen now when I get a call, and keep aside everything and focus on that conversation from parents, child, friends because there is something beautiful about listening and being heard.

All the communication devices however faster and smarter can still not compensate for great listening, say, mindful listening.

As I learn to listen better, I remember my young teacher, my brother and his beautiful ways of showing care everytime.

So stop to sit down and listen to a dear one, anyone and you would not know what wealth you have just bestowed!

Meenu, the Meemi -vi, The dialogue

Nandu has been visiting the lake with Anitha aunty every single day. This had become a routine affair for him. He enjoyed listening to Anitha aunty’s stories, the tit bits of wisdom she shared in her animated tone about plants or animals or sometimes just stories.

Radha, on the other hand, found that her son was learning a lot these days and felt proud of her son. Sometimes a tinge of jealousy touched her soul, ‘does her son value Anitha di more now?’ but as Nandu ran back to her after the walk and hugged her, she relaxed and smiled .

In the evenings when the mother and son walked back home after work, Nandu always told Radha about the things he learned that day. Since the school was off, his source of learning was Anitha aunty and those morning walks with her. ‘If only I too had been educated too ‘, thought Radha, ‘but my son is lucky that he has found a mentor in Anitha di. Besides, di has started teaching him to read books in English and Kannada. They say, there is someone for everyone, even someone like me,’ smiled Radha thinking to herself.

One day Anitha aunty did not turn up for the walk, Nandu waited for her for sometime and later decided to go ahead to the lake. There was something about the lake that attracted him. ‘Did the lake too have few friends like him? What about the birds, do they feel lonely too? And miss Shiny scales, what about her?’ Nandu could not help smiling at the thought seeing her again.

He walked hurriedly to the lake and ran around saying ‘sat’ to each tree. This was the game he played in his colony with his friends. He then sat down quietly, brooding. ‘Maybe I should have waited for Anitha aunty? Is she sick?’ he panicked suddenly.

He turned when he heard a loud splash of water in the lake. He noticed how a nearby canal emptied dirty waters into the lake. Some frothing appeared at the mouth of the canal. ‘It must be difficult for miss Shiny Scales,’ he thought to himself.

As if reading his thoughts, a faint hello was heard. He looked around to see if anyone was around. Perhaps hiding behind the trees but no. His attention was drawn to the circles in the water caused by Ms.Shiny Scales. He asked, ‘wait, was it you who spoke?’.

‘Looks like that’, said the voice from water. ‘In fact I too discovered just now that I can speak in your language. You are not smart enough to learn ours anyways, so Turtle dodamma must have played her magic trick on me instead of you’.

‘Btw, I am Meenu, the meemi, glad to meet you, said Ms. Shiny Scales.

‘Oh,’ said the boy blurting ‘, me too’ almost unintentionally.

‘ For many days, I have been thinking of speaking to you, I like the fact that you are a quiet but smart boy’, smiled Meenu, the meemi.

‘Thank you’, said Nandu this seemed to be a normal thing now. ‘Hmmmm…..Maybe some fish do speak actually, maybe Anitha aunty forgot to tell me’, he thought to himself. He made a mental note to tell her about this unusual incident.

‘I don’t have much time, like your Cindrella right, Turtle dodamma’s magic too has a short life time. So, if you don’t mind,I willl come straight to the point, is that fine , Nandu?’, Continued Meenu, the meemi.

‘So, you know my name as well, ‘, asked Nandu.

‘Yes and much more’, replied Meenu, the meemi suddenly all wise and sagely, as she replied in a rather grownup tone.

Time stood still as the conversation went on for about an hour.

Later, Nandu woke up as if from a trance. There was no trace of Ms. Shiny Scales or Ms. Meenu, the meemi anywhere. ‘So, was I dreaming? ‘, asked Nandu himself.

Nandu walked back a bit lost and confused. He reached the apartment where his mother worked looking tired. He hugged his mother tight and went to sleep.

Radha saw that his son had gone to the lake alone. She wanted to scold him for not waiting for Anitha di, but he was so fast asleep that she sat down next to him, on the cot in the parking area, a sort of creche for the workers’ children. She gently put a bedsheet on him and went back to her work.

‘I have to talk to him about this. But first let me check on Anitha di, what happened to her? Poor thing, she stays alone too’. She decided to meet Anitha di during her break.