Of looking back

‘Look Back in Anger’ is John Osborne’s iconic work which focuses on the struggles of the protagonist of the play, Jimmy Porter. But the looking back I am referring to is not in anger but in love.

‘A looking back’ in expectation of seeing the face seeing you off. Of the desire to gently nod and wave your hand in good bye, see you soon!

It is the ‘looking back’ that every child who climbs into the bus turns back in expectation for. When the dad or mom who boarded the child walks off before waving that precious goodbye, a small disappointment sets in the eyes and the heart of the child.

A few days of holidays help me to see my daughter off to college, as she boards the rick, she turns back to look for me. I would have almost shut the door, but I saw that the driver was taking a u-turn and stood back for a few more minutes to be once again greeted by that precious ‘looking back’ with a naughty glint in her eyes.

Ah! for the small joys of living.

If you are romantic at heart like me, you would have yearned for the good byes and welcomes as much as I did. Growing up on a steady diet of films, in which the wife dutifully waves a good bye to the husband as he leaves for the office, I too would get myself ready even if I did not look my best, after all the kitchen work to ‘see him off’!

Well, it was always a disappointment for my now estranged husband always cribbed and cried his way to work. He cursed every one in this world and above. It was clear that work was an harassment for him, so was life. Now to say good bye to him was something I tried my hand at, until later, in my wisdom of survival, I simply hid myself in the bedroom, till the bike zoomed off in the distance and heaved a sigh of relief.

Seeing him off was the toughest see offs of my life!

When I come back after visiting my parents back home, I always hate to look back to see my mother’s moist eyes. And to having to look ahead and pretend as if everything was fine.

Even now when my dad visits me, he drops me to the bus stop and I turn around to wave him a good bye, what a feeling it is!

I wish we realized how important it is to cherish these seemingly small moments of love and care.

I wish we simply turned around with a smile to say a good bye.

I wish  we learned to invest time in small deeds of kindness to spread cheer around!

So what is your experience of ‘looking back’?

 

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Kitty Times

Kitty goes to the doctor.

My daughter donning her caring sisterly avatar took the kitty for her vaccination but came back with her heart a little pinched, ‘mom’, she said,’ I can’t bear to see her like this’. The kitty who is ideally named Messi for her excellent ball handling, passing, goal posting skills has been at her quietest best. Suddenly, it is like the house has gone silent without her insistent meows and her requests to play and let her out.

Our mornings are ever more hectic these days and getting out of the house is a task in itself. For one thing, Messi senses exactly when we are about to leave but she is still a child and can be easily distracted. So we usually get a toy for her and then quietly slip out of the house.

Its painful to be alone at home so when we are back, she demands her due  by getting us to play with her, a meow here, a meow there for food, for some scratching or for some pampering. The other day when I sat down with my daughter next to me, Messi jumped right on to my lap as if asking for the same attention.

Ameena one of my former colleagues and an ardent admirer of cats once said, you have not loved fully till you have loved a pet… how true!

 

And She Gave

For they came in droves men and women

of all kinds and ages from far and near

to the one who gives herself easily in service

to partake in the richness of her good

and then to walk away.

Later though they  were compelled to return to her

fed up of their own anger,greed and indifference.

Each time she snuggled them to her bosom gently

not a word of rebuke, no remorse came forth

just the soothing lull of a loving heart was felt.

Infinite times the hands stretched seeking,groping,searching

as many times she held them kissing, comforting, caressing

She, who was solicited but never loved as one’s own

was for all and not for one.