Tag Archives: #courage

Angel’s PAssing

I think of how it was to come back from work and lie down,when I saw in front of me a figure of a little girl rising up next to my bed. I sit up and as if in a trance, I pick up the address book and frantically search and find my best friend’s number and call.

After much ringing, a sage voice replied, ‘She is in mourning. She lost her child’.

I am shocked and sit back. A few days later I gather courage to call again and she tells me her ordeal of having to take a sick child quivering in fever to the nearest hospital. The doctor asked her to wait and she did hold her girl in her hand. By the time her turn came, there was nothing to do. The young mother shared and I listened, knowing no way to console. Our friendship of many many years had no balm just deep listening.

The vision stays with me and I cannot explain how and why this happened because I have not seen the child. It was good 10 years after me and my friend met briefly that this happened.

Loss of dear ones impact us deeply. The passing of Balraj.k left a deep vacuum in our lives. The blank space of someone who had time for everyone and was perpetually interested in our lives, my life and had time to listen everytime.

Eversince one looks to be heard, heard and finds no ears willing but then such are lessons of living.

So I listen now when I get a call, and keep aside everything and focus on that conversation from parents, child, friends because there is something beautiful about listening and being heard.

All the communication devices however faster and smarter can still not compensate for great listening, say, mindful listening.

As I learn to listen better, I remember my young teacher, my brother and his beautiful ways of showing care everytime.

So stop to sit down and listen to a dear one, anyone and you would not know what wealth you have just bestowed!

Always High

Coz a woman like her

is always on a high

from the deep breaths daily

spoonfuls of honey

a song in her heart

and head so light

a lilt in her steps

a dance in her sound

a swing to her moods

doldrums in her hips

feet so bright

eyes so sharp

a jiggly wiggly bum

and laughter so loud

tantrums in her smiles

unafraid in her stance

proud of her paths

sure of her ways

a woman like her

is always on a high

no weed no spirit

can get her higher

coz her soul is minted

fresh each day

and her days awash

with hopes so bright

her nights colorful

with dreams so light

tears that stream unshy

screams and sniffles

all venture forth

out on trips often

she must be dreamy

or a dream already

she must be a fool

or foolish you must be

to take her seriously

or maybe not

really, for a woman

like her is on a high

literally no weed

no spirit flowing free

just her faith and her ways

and courage she gathered by

It must be a pleasure

to have her by

with laughter and smiles

flowing free.

Of gratitude

To go back to studying when you are a full blown adult is not an easy choice. Yes, you take pride in having done justice to your parenting responsibilities, but you already are in that loop of EMIs and various other billing activities which tie you down, a caesura at this point is akin to harakiri, or so you think, or fear.

Then comes a mother’s heart calling out to you and saying, ‘ fear not child, do what you want for once, just do it’, and she laughs away all the fears saying ,’what are we here for?’

And a father who chips in,’ it’s not impossible, we are there for you.’

It is terrifying to think of the instability it brings, the staying away from work, even for a short time, the insecurities for someone who has prided on financial independence, yet, a promise looms and a hope and a cause calls, the call is persistent, deep, insistent, relentless and you cannot look away.

Then comes a message, a talk and an assurance, from someone I taught a good 2 decades ago, ‘I want to help you in your studies, just let me know’, it is just a word of promise but it lifts the spirits immediately, as if the universe answered a call, and calmed a fear, and smiled away a tear.

Years ago, I quit school teaching to move to the corporate, in need of a gainful employment, to pay the bills of course, again I remember how one of students asked, ‘What made you quit teaching? You would not have done that. You see, I am a corporate lawyer now. I can help you. Let me know what you need’. The words at that time brought tears to my eyes. I had expected such support from those in my immediate vicinity but there it came from a student again, who had just started his career.

I think of how the universe is assuaging my fears and holding out a hand, egging me on to a journey, whose turns I am not yet able to see.

Yet, it is true that there have been new opportunities and meeting with people who value my abilities in a slow, subtle manner that seems to be changing my universe in some ways, perhaps, a new horizon shines, a new friend or two waits, a new journey begins…

For the Ullysses in me, who wants to go looking after a sinking star, what could be better?

I now feel it won’t be difficult to find a school for Sunil to study, a place to work and learn for Chanamma, a place for me to grow as a writer and a student and to contribute to a cause so close to my heart…. perhaps that is what it is…..a place from where I can reach out and say to those I love and those who love me, here I am for you always…. I have everything to help you…ha, life… what learnings, what lessons!!!

Gratitude is all that I can think of…..