A chocolate bun, the thick bun parting to reveal rich chocolate base, not too sweet, nor sour either, just the right amount of yumminess that makes it a soul Saturday.
Sometimes food can evoke deeper emotions, and there are times when you literally fawn over the food on the table, that you go making sounds, a friend, the other day, rolled her eyes at my noisy appreciation of deliciousness but I was just taking advantage of it being just the two of us in the room!
I would like to go and sit at eateries and watch the people around there, making conversations, trying to make connections… that would be nice.
Describe an item you were incredibly attached to as a youth. What became of it?
There was a time in my childhood when I felt that we were rich and that was when my father was successful as a manager and when we had a basket full of toys at a time, a when I was six years old and my brother a little one year old kid.
Life at that time, did seem good though we did not have many material goods. When in 2 years time, tide changed and we had to relocate to my grand father’s home, I was attached to a red pinochio clapping doll. It did hurt me when our furniture, our play items which we had to leave at our relative’s place were used by others, kids though they were… as I see it now.
Another gift my father always gave me was books, which at that time cost very less and he always obliged my request for books.
Later times changed and the insecurity that came with father’s uncertain job situation, made my parents, extremely cautious, we never spent anything again on frivolities like toys or books. Though already meek and very polite, my brother and I never dared ask for anything to my parents ever after.
My father regained confidence in his financial status only when I had spent almost two decades on the planet, amma smiled more easily and achan took to the habit of bringing snacks everyday on his way back home.
Even to this day, years after retirement my parents shudder at the pain this injustice caused to both of them, the shame and guilt they carried for no fault of theirs.
It is in this exuberance of newly found confidence that they went ahead and fixed my marriage in an jiffy. Two events followed in quick succession, my brother was diagnosed with a painful disease and I lost what ever confidence I had in front of my overbearing in laws and husband. My parents, after years of struggle to bring us up now engaged in caring for a very sick young man at home, with a warrior spirit to keep the smile alive on his face.
Strange are the ways of life, stranger are the ways it chooses to test….that is life, a mixed bag at any given time! Love it or hate it, you are in the game of life as long as you breathe. So it makes sense to choose love. Period.
I would love to receive opportunities to grow as a writer. To be able to explore by travelling, meeting people, spend days after days just writing.
Such trust and faith in my creative abilities means the world to me.
Or maybe I just want to be gifted some love, some time, some care…..
I do respect the question though, because when my friend Anwar asked me, did you have a crush, Lekha, I was so surprised, I wondered why no one ever asked me such a question before.
Then I had another friend, Binu Peter who, though casually, asked me what do you look for in a partner, I loved it that he chose to ask me this question.
And my daughter who asks me, ‘what would you like to eat ma? where would you like to go? what color do you like?’
Or sometimes my students who ask,’ what do you want to do more mam?, what place would you like to visit? who is your favorite student? or why do you write?’
I realize why questions are important now and relish it when questions are asked because well! for one it rules out assumption, doesn’t it?
Do you play in your daily life? What says “playtime” to you?
Word play, I do love words!!!
Ok, so I have a few secret games which makes me brighten up though it is true I might look an odd ball while at it!
But who cares??? I certainly don’t.
While walking back home after work, I look for reasonably healthy looking pebbles, I don’t find them everyday, some times I even forget my own game, but when I find them, I toss them and take the pebble the half a kilo metre way back home, tossing it with my feet and if it reaches the gate to my apartment, I pick it up and place it under a tree on the pavement park. I believe that this successful tossing of a pebble to this secret place of mine will bring me some good news. Believe me, it has worked so far!!!!
When I see a raised platform, I immediately get on to it and walk, if possible, I mean!)
When walking in corridors, or anywhere if there are blocks I try to step into a block only once, this looks a bit eccentric to onlookers, coz I am like what, 49!!!! but I love doing it and usually I don’t care if someone sees me.
I play scrabble
Hide and seek with my cat, Andrew
Hit and run to save from being hit with my daughter
Add the numbers of license plates while travelling or driving
Talk gibberish in suitable company
So, there came a time in my life, when I realized that my ever present smile had gone missing and looked strained at its best. I had lost the spontaneous giggles and sudden spurts of joy that were my best identification, I realized then that regaining that inner laughter was my priority, ever since, I have boldly, joyfully embraced these eccentricities to this day.
Well! before you laugh at me, did you know that there was a certain good looking mathematician by the name G. H. Hardy, whose first task upon entering a hotel room was to cover all the mirrors!!! I know this thanks to C P Snow’s interesting account, Variety of Men!
If you started a sports team, what would the colors and mascot be?
It has to be blue. The blue of the sky, the dark blue of the night sky, the shades of blue of the clouds, there’s something so calming, yet so uplifting about the blue as a color.
You get to build your perfect space for reading and writing. What’s it like?
A space where there is no rush. Away from the noise of the city. A space of quiet love and sweet murmurs of understanding and companionship….ok, maybe that is too much to ask!
A grand old library where books smell of years of living, and have had many lovers, who have caressed them, mulled over them and perhaps hugged them to sleep.
But mostly a quiet space like my house in Varandhirapilly surrounded by trees, chirping of birds, that which allows reflection with sparse yet, carefully chosen furniture.
A space where a quick coffee is easy to make, a walk is always a possibility. Perhaps even a pond, like the one I dream of having in the compound of my ancestral village home.
In such space with no pretense whatsoever, tales could be heard from heavens above, the conduit would furnish points to ponder and the verses would flow…
With people I always trust my hunch, the first feeling you get. Sometimes when I silence my hunch with logic, I have gone terribly wrong. Yet, I seem to know who to stay away from, mostly!
The inner moral compass of an individual is very personal and cannot be generalized, even a criminal can justify his/her actions based on what he perceives to be right or wrong.
I do believe I can sense energies of a person, place or a situation, whether this is right or wrong, who is to tell?
Hmmm… I don’t know where these questions are coming from, but they are soo much me……
So, I made a friend with whom I enjoyed talking gibberish and then well, we are not talking gibberish any more and I sorely missed it. Toughest thing on the planet is to want to talk to a friend who thought you have a good connection with and then being able to do so due to differences of opinion. The feeling of having a personal ‘aha’ moment and not finding your ‘gibberish’ friend to hear it out is
Then I found a twig on my path to the waiting station, a twig that lay on the road, helpless, unaided, trembling perhaps in the cold Bangalore weather, which I stepped on in a sense of excitement, walked up and down it to hear it break into small crumbles of wood pieces and well! I did imagine I was trampling over a certain someone and felt instantly happy, it was great fun to do that!
On a regular day, I generally look for a pebble or two on the road and take them to my home, moving it ahead with my feet as I walk, the general belief that I hold is that, something good is going to come my way if I can successfully take a pebble close to my place. I keep them beneath a tree by the sidewalk.
Have you ever performed on stage or given a speech?
Oh! yeah!!! innumerable times, have I been on stage and have enthralled audiences and sometimes bored them thoroughly, but true that …been there, done that and mostly enjoyed doing it too….
It is one to one talks that are more intimidating to me, either I am too chirpy and girl like or I am all mother, the nurturer, the one with sage advises, in these situations. I am yet to see further versions of me in close room communications…I am looking forward to listen to more closely… attentively and be a receptacle to stories personal and otherwise…
Gotta story to tell, let me know, I am all ears!!!
So, who do I envy? Well! not many except those who by luck or hard work are in a position to give undivided attention to their passion, in my case, writing and travel the world with a light heart.
I may also envy those of us who have been able to cultivate company that keeps them focused on self growth, yes, that company which is not a labour of living but a team work of understanding and space for each other, well! may be that.
Coz like Ulysses I would also say
“Yet all experience is an arch wherethrough. Gleams that untraveled world whose margin fades. Forever and forever when I move.”
Adhyapika 