Tag Archives: death

The Other Day Thought

The other day

I thought of death

I often think of him as a friend

waiting to embrace you for who you are

the most minimalist

sans pretension, sans words, sans the body even!

more kind and forgiving than life itself

“at birth a seed is planted into your soul

a seed that grows into who you are

as you grow and blossom

lengthening your tendrils and roots and branches

as you romance the breeze, the earth and the sky

you blossom continuously, unraveling what is within you

day by day,hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second

you grow into your own unique beauty of a parallel world

you brighten from within infinitely, each to your own, in your own course

none too wrong, none too right, just there, wherever you be, who ever and what ever you be

you bring out what is within and bring in what is without

as fruits ripen, so do you, with actions, passions and in actions run your course

like the flowers that fall, so do you then fall, to return to where you came from and it goes on!

I call him love!

In the dead of the night

I wake up with a start

to check if He is there nearby

‘is it time to go?’

ask I eager to pack my bags

‘not yet my love’ says He

‘when it is time, I will let you know’.

‘Life snatched me away from you

pushed you into pain and misery

I know your searching for me

I know your love pure and true

You are mine forever, remember

Life cannot part us from one another

I shall reclaim you for once and for all

With such promise

there was no room for doubt

I was at ease and we were in peace.

His words were kind

His tone soothing

I slept blissfully

knowing how eagerly He kept His watch

over me catching my forty winks

our temporary connect

our time of freedom from fetters

so it was

He & I

some call Him death

I call Him love!

PS: The tussle between death & life! Of loving death!

A little less drama

‘A little less drama would have been fine’

she told life

who looked at her disbelievingly

‘the actor that you are

you love fantasy

you thrive in thrillers

you long for romance

your heart soaks in pain

twists in agony

sheds copious tears

you create

situations

of hate, of malice, of ill repute

because you love attention

you want me to hang on to you dearly

to cry out to you to help

you mean monster

gently slaying my soul

making me count every breath

pay with tears for pain unlimited

seek company where it never is

live for pleasure which is nothing but pain in disguise

sometimes your sadism gets to me really

whose side are you on for god’s sake?

ah! god!

that gentleman who is ‘gentle’ no more

I heard a song, god is a woman!

well, can’t say really

its all make-belief

except you ofcourse

I know you

because you are with me.

I would still have loved you

had you been kinder, simpler, more giving

nevertheless

we are together

you and I

until death plays the villian.

Stay close, let’s celebrate!’

 

 

 

 

 

 

Breaking Strong

It’s not enough for you to break

it’s for you to break, break into countless pieces of insignificance

crushed, mangled pieces of you

lay about on the earth

screaming, scowling, howling

helpless,turning, twisting

till those colorless reams of your hard pressed soul escape

dyed  in the creative juice of living

into doom, death and desire!(ironically)

Yes, desire,because it’s the turning away that made you what you are

it’s the rejection that strengthened you

its the mockery that built you

your brittle hopes and seamless dreams

made of what was not there and never will be

still stood the fight, gave it a try

to walk away with a smile

tender, giving,gracious even in defeat/victory.

PS: A die hard optimist, gives up on every body else except self !

[Yet all experience is an arch wherethro’
Gleams that untravell’d world whose margin fades
For ever and forever when I move- Ulysses]

When at last he came

When at last he came

I was tired of waiting

having gotten used

to my loneliness

I said, stay back

leave me alone

but he so insistent

bent down on his knees

holding my hand gently

sought my company

on a whim I winked

and smilingly joined

him on  his chariot to oblivion

speeding ahead of all that lived

racing past the sun

high above the clouds we went

to enter a lifelessness

of love and longing

where at the cafes

hanging out like buddies

were translucent creatures

evanescent, effervescent

holding me close he said

“now no life can separate us”

and we rocked the dance floor

against thunder and lightning

and some ethereal music

that I cannot gather now

sometimes death is such a tease

& to think of him is such a joy!

 

 

Memories of what is and what is not

some memories of events are graphic even if they never occurred

coming as if from another life, another century

heart strings are leashed together across caste, creed or color

ignorant of the glare of incomprehensible gasps, murmur and even hatred

but like water that never forgets its course

the all knowing life nudges you to where you belong

pushing you through vales and highs of pain and pleasure

flowing past you through death after death in continuum.

Would you rather?

Would you rather live than die every living day

would you rather smile and get rid off a curse

than hold it close and be cursed yourself

would you rather stay lonely in company

than seek the one you need to seek

would you rather strain and stretch

than be safe,sound and staid

would you rather grow old

having done nothing but your duty

than have memories to look back and yearn

would you rather hold a grudge

and smudge your smile

than let go and

be free?

 

 

Of fulfilling a promise

A couple past their prime inherit an old dilapidated house, which was once home to a farmer, an ayurvedic physician, a sanskrit scholar,his beautiful wife and their worthy children.

The home inherited by my mother was in dire need of repair. My father,a retired banker counts every penny and could have just sold the house and  pocketed the change. Much to the disbelief of all his friends and relatives, the man and his wife spend days breathing life sustaining and nurturing the old home.

I am surprised at the effort that goes into all of this. The love and care that mom and dad are willing to invest into what looked like a lost case. Wouldn’t it be easier to sell it off? I wonder secretly. Many others raise the same concern and laugh at the eccentricity of the old couple.How long will you be around?. They ask indifferently. .

20 years ago when the house was set aside for his daughter, the fourth in the line,grandfather had extracted a promise from my father. He said,this house has been built with my sweat and labor. I have lifted stones, painted it and agonized over it. I want you to take care of it.

My father said,I could have sold it off but  I wanted to build something of it to return to it, its former grandeur. I expect you to use this space for the betterment of the society. I am humbled and perplexed at this suggestion. It is a huge responsibility.

Before taking this responsibility,my parents had already tided over the worst calamity of their lives, the loss of their son,the youngest, their life, their cheer and everything else.When Balu, my brother was diagnosed with mitochondrial cytopathy, which the doctor at NIMHANS told him categorically  was causing the degeneration of every organ of his body,the boy was devastated, so were his parents.

Yet through the years that he survived, my mother ensured that there was a smile on his face.My father nurtured him as if he were a small baby.His friends Babu,Mani and Koushik stood by him,visiting him every single day. Cheering him up with odd jokes and pranks,only they were capable of. Until , his death on 10th of July 2012, my brother knew for sure that he was loved and cared for.

Today as I watch the house limp back to life, awakening a new interest among the neighbors, friends and relatives, I am proud of what my parents are capable of. Of their never say die spirit.

Just the other day, my mother addressed a young audience at a government school in the locality.It was her first public address. The students loved the honesty of her words and cheered for her. The adulation is much deserved,earned by unwavering spirit,hard work and an optimism that does not allow tears to be shed at any cost.

When sometimes I am told of the smile that does not leave my face, I have to agree modestly. I cannot be otherwise, I come from a family of great strength of mind and the spirit.

I have heard my parents being taunted for not studying beyond 10th standard.How does it matter? I ask.

In the college of life they have earned their doctorate:-)

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