Which of us don’t fear? Don’t waver? Lose interest and want to run away. All of us do, again and again and then what is that will take us to a feeling of achievement, sense of inner calm and sense of joy in being who we are?
I am no guru, yet, life in her inscrutable ways has taken me to paths, twists and turns, I would not have ventured on my own. Bewildering me, breaking me into tears and gathering me in her arms, showing me hope and a reason to smile that I learned to live and be happy about who I am.
I look back and I see how life journey has moved me from one turn to another, (yes, even the life of an average Indian woman can be dramatic sometimes, ) posing challenging questions to me, egging me out of my comfort zone, and asking me to march ahead. I have felt lonely at times, many times, yet today as I see it, I know I have done justice to roles I took, causes I believed in , to people who leaned on me and have been able to leave behind the bitterness and embrace life with a smile.
I must have been in my 12 th standard when I heard one of my aunts disparage her partner with hurtful words, which in turn reflected her own feeling of misery and pain, I remember thinking I will never want to be a grumpy old woman, never.
But what brings the sense of calm to me today, is my learning to live in the now, constantly re-orient myself to the present moment, ask myself, what are you thankful for now, today? Having asked that question, a sense of immediate relaxation enters my mind and I regain my calmness and smile.
So, I decided that it is just role to simply do the best I can in every situation,, what my daughter calls a ‘breakthrough performance‘ every time in the various roles that I take up, well, try to do that at the least.
As I detach myself from my past and worries about future, I have noticed that there is no rancor in me, no agony, though sometimes, deep pain overwhelms me and I let it pass, because I ask myself, what is that you are feeling now, allow it to happen, you can cry, feel angry and feel happy at different times, it is ok then regain the composure that I am so loving these days.
Life I have decided is a process that allows you to experience and allow your soul to blossom to be its true self.
Yes, this new found courage to affirm my positivity has found me new friends, and hopefully new experiences .
Today, as I seek experiences, even new friends, maybe, I realize that I don’t seek anything make me happy but only to add to my already existent and thriving source of inner happiness,