Tag Archives: #friends

Solo dance, Life

I sit at home grumpy,sad and irritated. There’s no friend in sight. Nobody. Not a soul.

Friends, colleagues families have packed and left for the long weekend. I knew this was coming. I knew I am going to feel low. I knew it is going to hurt big time and it did.

But it is difficult to reconcile with reality even when you know what is and why it is so. Except for Andrew’s long and short meows there is no noise at home. Instead of research that I should do I am angry and upset for no particular reason.

I wait for a friend to turn up. Friends have friends and families !!!! I am busy playing the victim, the god forsaken soul, left on an island… why? why?

Fine. I decide enough is enough solo is not solitude and like Matteo Bocelli I will find my way.

Solo, Matteo Bocelli

Besides I am good at taking care of myself. I will do it. So I set off to get a bicycle yep to ride to glory.

Its been years since I did it but it should be good. The cycle shops are not selling cycles anymore but a fashion statement and my purse is going to be stretched too far… I come back now less gloomy!

Anyways, back home I have a visitor, ‘ would you like to dance for the dandiya?’ dance, me! Well, I wanted to invite your daughter but since she is not here, why don’t you come, said the neighbour in a compensatory tone.

‘Ok!’ I say, desperate for company, ‘I would love to, nay, I will’ and end up attending 2 practice sessions and go all the way to hit the dance floor literally!

My body is not amused at such onslaught of vigor, ‘what for’. it demands angrily and sulks big time!

But dance I did in my effort to find new friends and some new spaces outside the books, research and I must say I enjoyed it.

Walking in alone into a space of families did make me feel awkward initially but soon I got over it and relaxed, I counselled myself and said, ‘its ok, afterall alone is no crime, you are in a happy space, don’t you see that!’

I did of course, and soon lost myself in the dance.

Sometimes you got to shake the statusquo! So I did!

And found a surprise visitor at home!

And a promise of a friend who said, ‘I come when I say I will’ and I had to laugh!

Then says my dear chechi, ‘Lekha come home tomorrow ok!’. ‘I will’, I say happily.

Who does one thank except the universe for such unexpected offers of good company!

Ain’t it a good life after all!

Bylanes of living

In the bylanes of living

you will run into souls

that are fond of hanging

out with you for a step or two

hold the second, join the ride

smile a bit, break a bit and move on

coz the journey of life is all about movement

don’t be stubborn to cling or hold or whimper of neglect

just smile and know that all is good always coz even without your consent life goes on.

Kolkatta Ahoy!

It is been on my mind for sometime, nay, years, the deep desire to move, observe and travel places at my own pace.

Finding courage, convenience and other essentials for the same was somehow was not happening.

But then, the universe has a way of letting one realise one’s aspirations, so before I knew I had said yes to travel to attend a wedding of a dear girl, yes, even amidst the pandemic.

But life doesnot present opportunities again and again, and to be invited to a special event with such love and euphoria is an experience in itself, if in the past, I dared not to step out, in fear of censure and ridicule, it is not so anymore, so I venture boldly and say, ‘Kolkatta ahoy’ in the style of Ishmael in Moby Dick, that timeless classic on whale hunting…

We were discussing how we train and teach boldness, yet when it comes to our personal choices and lives, we are exceptionally hesitant, that’s hypocrisy, right?, or something to this effect in our lady group.

So, we said, let’s try walking the lane and practice what we so often advice, perhaps we may end up wiser!

Besides one realises that it is more difficult to live by one’s own terms than succumbing to the social norms to which one conforms willy-nilly.

Definitely the lady group is abuzz with talk of travel,figurative and otherwise, the ship is ready to sail….just that the sailsmen should be kindred souls… it looks to be so ..as of now.

Of flow

I am thinking of energies that flow in and out, when people meet, converse, interact, engage. Some energies sync or synergize and some dont, relationships, friendships must be those energies which seem to draw on eachother and grow. So they flourish and grow over a period of time despite barriers, despite obstacles of any kind.

Yet we all try to connect to one another because our lives sort of force us to reach out and seek energies that help us to grow and bond.

So it is with my dear friend Soniya. I think of our friendship which has grown over many decades and how when we speak to eachother we overcome barriers of time, geography and we connect always as two girls who met in school and still meet. When I meet or talk to Soniya, Sofiya, Deepak, Aditi,Sheena, Sudha, Anwar, Naveen, Suvedi, Unni, Maya, BP……the connect is so quick and so instant that we just get into the groove without waiting for formalities. I am sure we all have such buddies who we treasure as they bring a smile to our faces no matter what.

Sometimes in our spirits’ desire to connect and grow we keep reaching out to souls but we may also sense a barrier or two in doing the same. These barriers could be ego ,some small misunderstandings, difference of opinion, differences in lifestyles.

What do we do in such cases? We just have to go with the flow and like water that hits an obstacle, change our course and continue to flow.

If that is the case then what are rejections, unrequited love,broken relationships, broken friendships and so on, they are nothing but small obstacles in our paths to sustain our spirit’s desire to connect and grow like roots do perhaps.

I remember someone speaking about being like water, ‘water indeed, with deep rooted memories, yet an ability to change course and a flexibility to change shape even!’

So is it that the ebb and flow of energies is what sustains our life?

of friendship

Bak, Bak talker makes friends

I met a beautiful couple today. Warm, gentle and very knowledgeable. I spent about 3 hours in their beautifully decorated, well kept home which is nothing short of a green haven. The fact that they spoke Malayalam and served jack fruit made me feel at home immediately.

The grand mom all of 94 years with the enthusiasm and vibe of a sixty year old, joined the conversation drawing from her experiences of a life time with a gentle smile.

The beautifully elegant lady of the house, sat me down and we discussed a few things. Later when her spouse joined us we continued to discuss life, energies, nature and what not.

I floated back home filled with warmth and wrapped in a soft cloud of love and the care exuded by the couple.

While at home though I wondered of how I hogged the conversation, with my miniscule knowledge and over the top enthusiasm….now how does one learn to talk a little less….

A thing to ponder and learn, conversations are better when the sharing is more or less equal. I do listen but my daughter is a better and dedicated listener. And I need to learn that.

But the evening will stay in my mind.

For someone who is too lazy to step out of the house, this was bonus, to just have good company, great conversation and come back with new friends.

Sort of reaffirms the need to step out of the home and say a hi and a hello…once in a while.

oF gIFTS AND GIRLS

I always wanted to be able to gift. I remember when my brother got a job, I excitedly wanted to distribute sweets to my neighbours.

‘They will never value your gift. They will just throw it away. ‘

Stung to the core, I withdrew and kept quiet. Still I fulfilled my desire to be able to gift by reaching out to my small circle.

I was not sure of how my gift will be seen. ‘Will they value it?’ , ‘Will they make fun of me?’

So, I lavished gifts on my precious girl and my parents , surely they never went unnoticed.

But recently I have felt this huge urge to reach out again.

Sometimes a wave of desire to reach out, touch a life, comes over me, and I am almost helpless as I am pressed to express and show that ‘You matter to me’, in some simple way.

So I started conscious gifting last year, when I bought some cute little stuff and gave it to everyone I wanted to give.

Tinged in gratitude, blushing sky

It felt so good, yes, it was nothing very costly, but the ability to reach out thrilled me to bits.

I wanted so deeply to share my gratitude and tell those around me that they mattered to me, that they have impacted my life. Some of my colleagues and friends were a bit surprised, but they graciously accepted my small offering.

I kept telling my daughter, how as a teacher, who always ran short of money, I have been stingy perhaps, not willing to share, and how I regret it.

Then when I got a chance to redeem myself, I found in my aunt a willing partner, her art works came to my rescue.

I made a list of my girl gang, girls who are sometimes pepping me up with their kind words, sometimes just being themselves and inspiring or energizing me in some way, It was a long list that I had, and then I went about ordering little stuff and started giving it to my friends.

The ability to express my gratitude was enormously satisfying, in fact thrilling.

Why , asked someone, just because you are the way you are, I said.

I fought trepidation, doubt, fear of being misunderstood, and a lot of other things as I went about telling the other person, ‘keep this please, this is for you!’ . Yes, I also felt very shy.

But today as I write this down, I thank the universe for her smiles and those beautiful human beings who touched my life, one way or the other.

I am so grateful.

I would not have made it this far without the girls in my life. Those souls who worked with me, connected with me, told me ‘your book is sitting in the book shelf’, ‘come out of your shell’ and such stuff that I held on to like a life jacket.

Life is truly beautiful, when together.

Thathastu! Amen!