Tag Archives: #gratitude

Of gratitude

To go back to studying when you are a full blown adult is not an easy choice. Yes, you take pride in having done justice to your parenting responsibilities, but you already are in that loop of EMIs and various other billing activities which tie you down, a caesura at this point is akin to harakiri, or so you think, or fear.

Then comes a mother’s heart calling out to you and saying, ‘ fear not child, do what you want for once, just do it’, and she laughs away all the fears saying ,’what are we here for?’

And a father who chips in,’ it’s not impossible, we are there for you.’

It is terrifying to think of the instability it brings, the staying away from work, even for a short time, the insecurities for someone who has prided on financial independence, yet, a promise looms and a hope and a cause calls, the call is persistent, deep, insistent, relentless and you cannot look away.

Then comes a message, a talk and an assurance, from someone I taught a good 2 decades ago, ‘I want to help you in your studies, just let me know’, it is just a word of promise but it lifts the spirits immediately, as if the universe answered a call, and calmed a fear, and smiled away a tear.

Years ago, I quit school teaching to move to the corporate, in need of a gainful employment, to pay the bills of course, again I remember how one of students asked, ‘What made you quit teaching? You would not have done that. You see, I am a corporate lawyer now. I can help you. Let me know what you need’. The words at that time brought tears to my eyes. I had expected such support from those in my immediate vicinity but there it came from a student again, who had just started his career.

I think of how the universe is assuaging my fears and holding out a hand, egging me on to a journey, whose turns I am not yet able to see.

Yet, it is true that there have been new opportunities and meeting with people who value my abilities in a slow, subtle manner that seems to be changing my universe in some ways, perhaps, a new horizon shines, a new friend or two waits, a new journey begins…

For the Ullysses in me, who wants to go looking after a sinking star, what could be better?

I now feel it won’t be difficult to find a school for Sunil to study, a place to work and learn for Chanamma, a place for me to grow as a writer and a student and to contribute to a cause so close to my heart…. perhaps that is what it is…..a place from where I can reach out and say to those I love and those who love me, here I am for you always…. I have everything to help you…ha, life… what learnings, what lessons!!!

Gratitude is all that I can think of…..

oF gIFTS AND GIRLS

I always wanted to be able to gift. I remember when my brother got a job, I excitedly wanted to distribute sweets to my neighbours.

‘They will never value your gift. They will just throw it away. ‘

Stung to the core, I withdrew and kept quiet. Still I fulfilled my desire to be able to gift by reaching out to my small circle.

I was not sure of how my gift will be seen. ‘Will they value it?’ , ‘Will they make fun of me?’

So, I lavished gifts on my precious girl and my parents , surely they never went unnoticed.

But recently I have felt this huge urge to reach out again.

Sometimes a wave of desire to reach out, touch a life, comes over me, and I am almost helpless as I am pressed to express and show that ‘You matter to me’, in some simple way.

So I started conscious gifting last year, when I bought some cute little stuff and gave it to everyone I wanted to give.

Tinged in gratitude, blushing sky

It felt so good, yes, it was nothing very costly, but the ability to reach out thrilled me to bits.

I wanted so deeply to share my gratitude and tell those around me that they mattered to me, that they have impacted my life. Some of my colleagues and friends were a bit surprised, but they graciously accepted my small offering.

I kept telling my daughter, how as a teacher, who always ran short of money, I have been stingy perhaps, not willing to share, and how I regret it.

Then when I got a chance to redeem myself, I found in my aunt a willing partner, her art works came to my rescue.

I made a list of my girl gang, girls who are sometimes pepping me up with their kind words, sometimes just being themselves and inspiring or energizing me in some way, It was a long list that I had, and then I went about ordering little stuff and started giving it to my friends.

The ability to express my gratitude was enormously satisfying, in fact thrilling.

Why , asked someone, just because you are the way you are, I said.

I fought trepidation, doubt, fear of being misunderstood, and a lot of other things as I went about telling the other person, ‘keep this please, this is for you!’ . Yes, I also felt very shy.

But today as I write this down, I thank the universe for her smiles and those beautiful human beings who touched my life, one way or the other.

I am so grateful.

I would not have made it this far without the girls in my life. Those souls who worked with me, connected with me, told me ‘your book is sitting in the book shelf’, ‘come out of your shell’ and such stuff that I held on to like a life jacket.

Life is truly beautiful, when together.

Thathastu! Amen!

Of a different kind of a gift

Is it only expensive gifts that become special? Does it always take a diamond to express love, not really, right?

What was your most precious gift? What made it special to you?

My daughter to me has been the most precious of all gifts so far and I can’t be thankful enough to have her.

The classroom experiences have been rewarding and fulfilling and some times the results have been so breathtaking that I was left speechless.

This happened recently when students stretched themselves to outdo each other in the evaluation.

Each group vied with each other to bring out the best in them.

There were bursts of anger, some distress due to over powering emotions and the stress of time and piling work, yet they stuck to the task and turned out some really impressive stuff.

From designing drones, to coming up with alternative solutions for energy, to trying to address some evils of the ever increasing pollution by tree plantation, to finding new ways to alleviate poverty or waste management each group surpassed the expectations that was set for them.

Outclassing themselves and out doing their own inhibitions, they came out as proud co-creators of new innovative thinking.

But what won my heart was a piece of writing from a student who I had taught around 4 years ago,.When he wrote me a thank you letter, I was in the seventh heaven. I mean good words are always welcome, they become your anchor to steer you through some turbulent times.

More so, each teacher or facilitator looks forward to this kind of validation or appreciation of his/her efforts.

Perhaps we should all be more generous in appreciating the teaching community.

Perhaps we could reach out to the elders and say a word of thanks.

Perhaps it is not too late to acknowledge an act of understanding and kindness.

Perhaps it will leave you in good spirits.

Perhaps this is just the right time to make that move to express gratitude to someone beloved yet forgotten.

So, what are you waiting for? Call up and say thank you to someone who made a difference to your life:-)

Btw don’t you think it is high time , we had a ‘maid’s day’, a ‘plumber’s day’, a cleaner’s day’ and so on!