Anu looked at herself and crumpled into tears, surge of sorrow mixed with joy that tumbled down from her core.
The words that washed over her soul like pure manna from heaven, that kindled her dreams afresh and somehow restored the faith that ‘all is well’.
‘Amma, said Anu has never ever spoken like this to me. Her words now are full of conviction, a belief, a pride and a sense of assurance for her daughter. ‘
This is new, so new to her,said Anu that a lifetime of longing is now being answered.
‘No one ever said that to me before’, said Anu breaking into tears again.
‘All those years, among friends, in family, I have longed to hear it. Sometimes, in desperation I reached out knocking a few doors.
It created in me a fierce self defence, a strong need to stand up and fight and move on and not spare time to grieve, never.
It strengthened me as much as it pained and one learns to live with it.’
Then comes her words, a symbol of her own self acceptance and her confidence which verbalized into a loud and clear, ‘I am therefore you, girl’ and it brought back spring into my life, added Anu.
The power of this statement can never be underestimated, Say it again and again to those around you, your children, your partner, your parents, the cause you believe in , your students, tell them, ‘No matter what, I am therefore you’ and watch how miracles unfold.
When you want to dive deep, you need the springboard to propel you, to cushion you and that is what these words do to the listener, so go on, hold your close ones and tell them again and again, ‘I am therefore you, no matter what’.
Anu loves to say this to her son, whom she eggs to dream big and fly high, explore life in every which way, telling him constantly, ‘Come what may, I am therefore you. Go try, fail, get up, move on and whenever you want come back to me, Coz I am therefore you’.
Being a fierce warrior herself, Anu knows that there is nothing she will not do for her son, anytime, anywhere, how many times over.
Go on, and spell it loud and clear, ‘I believe in you, I am there for you, come what may’.
I always wanted to be able to gift. I remember when my brother got a job, I excitedly wanted to distribute sweets to my neighbours.
‘They will never value your gift. They will just throw it away. ‘
Stung to the core, I withdrew and kept quiet. Still I fulfilled my desire to be able to gift by reaching out to my small circle.
I was not sure of how my gift will be seen. ‘Will they value it?’ , ‘Will they make fun of me?’
So, I lavished gifts on my precious girl and my parents , surely they never went unnoticed.
But recently I have felt this huge urge to reach out again.
Sometimes a wave of desire to reach out, touch a life, comes over me, and I am almost helpless as I am pressed to express and show that ‘You matter to me’, in some simple way.
So I started conscious gifting last year, when I bought some cute little stuff and gave it to everyone I wanted to give.
Tinged in gratitude, blushing sky
It felt so good, yes, it was nothing very costly, but the ability to reach out thrilled me to bits.
I wanted so deeply to share my gratitude and tell those around me that they mattered to me, that they have impacted my life. Some of my colleagues and friends were a bit surprised, but they graciously accepted my small offering.
I kept telling my daughter, how as a teacher, who always ran short of money, I have been stingy perhaps, not willing to share, and how I regret it.
Then when I got a chance to redeem myself, I found in my aunt a willing partner, her art works came to my rescue.
I made a list of my girl gang, girls who are sometimes pepping me up with their kind words, sometimes just being themselves and inspiring or energizing me in some way, It was a long list that I had, and then I went about ordering little stuff and started giving it to my friends.
The ability to express my gratitude was enormously satisfying, in fact thrilling.
Why , asked someone, just because you are the way you are, I said.
I fought trepidation, doubt, fear of being misunderstood, and a lot of other things as I went about telling the other person, ‘keep this please, this is for you!’ . Yes, I also felt very shy.
But today as I write this down, I thank the universe for her smiles and those beautiful human beings who touched my life, one way or the other.
I am so grateful.
I would not have made it this far without the girls in my life. Those souls who worked with me, connected with me, told me ‘your book is sitting in the book shelf’, ‘come out of your shell’ and such stuff that I held on to like a life jacket.
Adhyapika 