A walk would do!

‘A walk would do’, she said

‘just a walk

maybe a cup of coffee

sipping in the aroma of the evening

munching on yesterdays

some music from faraway

a book or two on the table


a pen to note down


thoughts floating by

a little of the evening sun

a quiet breeze lulling in the garden

a few leaves twittering

a bird here, a bird there

a friend to drop by

a simmering stove

some conversation

a quiet corner in a busy city

a small heaven’

life has been a rush

now I would rather rest’,

she stopped

and I sighed

‘long list,don’t you think’?

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Just delusional!

Hovering in the corners of her dreams

a face fades but holds even as it fades

taunts, teases and tempts

while the heart searches reasons

the mind confronts with unnecessary passions

strangely its an array of events that never occurred

that disturb peaceful slumber with expectations galore

twisting and turning in an imagined agony of what is not

she spends her nights imprisoned in a love of what is never more.

‘Friend’, I start reasoning

‘I will unfriend’, threatens she unreasonably and I go mum.

PS: Spinning castles in the air

between letting go and holding on

it’s between letting go 

and holding on 

that a lifetime lies 

in breathing spaces 

the in- betweens

breaking free of cloistering 

chasing fresh air 

love sits delicately

‘grow’, she says 

‘each to his own

yet together

far away 

yet so close 

so dissimilar 

yet so familiar

prosper in open spaces 

foster wisdom and courage 

nurture self and the selflessness

argue, debate, shout in polite tones 

express, exhibit, emerge 

stronger 

more beautiful somehow

as trees do in the forest

as petals in a flower 

as branches in a tree

separate yet together’.

‘so be it’, the universe said.

PS: the beauty of self hood

Journey

the distance 

from us 

to ‘you’ and ‘me’

has been the most toughest of all 

so far 

yet 

as I stand up to stretch my hand 

I wonder of the gaps that will never fill 

for the wisdom to know less 

for the wisdom not to stand up for self 

what was yoked by brute force 

breaks 

and what breaks causes pain 

hanging loosely out of its anchor 

suspended in ‘trishanku swarga’

neither here nor there 

friend, you caused me much pain 

yet there is forgivance 

yet there is moving on

coz you should like I do 

prosper, prosper in spite of pain

for as anger melts away 

sorrow at an opportunity lost 

and a lifetime wasted

is all that lasts!

And the journey continues 

across chasms

‘you’ and ‘me’ to our separate destinations

you, do not know yours do you?

nor do I 

does it matter?

travel as long as it lasts…

PS: Post loss, post love, life continues

Broken hopes

a yawning gap

of misery sucks in

life and cheerfulness 

like a black hole

a hand to hold 

a shoulder to rest 

a few kind words 

is all that the soul seeks 

yet in giving 

in losing oneself 

there are hidden swamps 

pain, agony and sorrow 

claim life’s efforts to flourish

nay, just stay afloat!

what karmic paths lead where 

what joys will someday compensate

what the morrows hold 

just a plain gleaming vacuum 

of broken tinsel dreams 

searing torn hopes 

a knowledge of nothingness 

thunder, fire and lightening

an empty empty living. 

Kitty is back

Back from the boarding house and clearly proving our fears of being forgotten our dear cat, Messi is a bundle of nervous energy.

Running up and down the chairs and climbing the wall,to inspect the tube light which she had triumphantly brought down with a thud, and peering over the glass window, she presents herself to a ready audience as a woman of the house.

She runs to her table and sniffs for her food.

She checks on her toys and is overjoyed to find them intact.

She purrs at my daughter and allows to be pampered.

While we attack her with our anxiety to ‘see, it’s us’, ‘remember’, she prances around the place and reclaims her space with the eagerness of a squirrel+ a monkey + a puppy.

Messi, is clearly not a common cat, she is neither lazy nor lethargic.

She is a girl who loves to play and demands attention, well, wouldn’t she take after her humans? Purred I!

Not for her the lazing around

or gentle swishing of her tail.

Her ways are of the wind

Her meows angry demanding and questioning

Her tail a tool to test her own ability to solve a riddle

Her food is well, just food

Her interest in all things caffeine undeniable

In her kingdom she alone is the ruler

All others are her servile followers

Waiting for her with feverish passion and attention

Her humans are to her the ‘chief servants in residence’

As she quenches her thirst at the basins of wisdom

She allows others to applaud and cheer her living

If it is self-esteem, self confidence or self anointment

Learn it from Messi, who teaches it best by practice!

 

The Pillar of Hope

Trusting the pillar of hope

she climbed the ladder of life

a missing step sent a shiver

she leaned closer

hope whispered

‘love leave me not

ever never in your life

I alone can see you through

in times of strife’

She smiled to heave a mixed sigh

‘always I have come to you beloved

in moments of agony and pain

your words have some times soothed

sometimes been a mirage

yet I have trusted you alone

knowing well how

a mother bird tends to her chicks

a tigress to her cubs

hoping against hope

that man’s straying eyes do not find them’.

Of looking back

‘Look Back in Anger’ is John Osborne’s iconic work which focuses on the struggles of the protagonist of the play, Jimmy Porter. But the looking back I am referring to is not in anger but in love.

‘A looking back’ in expectation of seeing the face seeing you off. Of the desire to gently nod and wave your hand in good bye, see you soon!

It is the ‘looking back’ that every child who climbs into the bus turns back in expectation for. When the dad or mom who boarded the child walks off before waving that precious goodbye, a small disappointment sets in the eyes and the heart of the child.

A few days of holidays help me to see my daughter off to college, as she boards the rick, she turns back to look for me. I would have almost shut the door, but I saw that the driver was taking a u-turn and stood back for a few more minutes to be once again greeted by that precious ‘looking back’ with a naughty glint in her eyes.

Ah! for the small joys of living.

If you are romantic at heart like me, you would have yearned for the good byes and welcomes as much as I did. Growing up on a steady diet of films, in which the wife dutifully waves a good bye to the husband as he leaves for the office, I too would get myself ready even if I did not look my best, after all the kitchen work to ‘see him off’!

Well, it was always a disappointment for my now estranged husband always cribbed and cried his way to work. He cursed every one in this world and above. It was clear that work was an harassment for him, so was life. Now to say good bye to him was something I tried my hand at, until later, in my wisdom of survival, I simply hid myself in the bedroom, till the bike zoomed off in the distance and heaved a sigh of relief.

Seeing him off was the toughest see offs of my life!

When I come back after visiting my parents back home, I always hate to look back to see my mother’s moist eyes. And to having to look ahead and pretend as if everything was fine.

Even now when my dad visits me, he drops me to the bus stop and I turn around to wave him a good bye, what a feeling it is!

I wish we realized how important it is to cherish these seemingly small moments of love and care.

I wish we simply turned around with a smile to say a good bye.

I wish  we learned to invest time in small deeds of kindness to spread cheer around!

So what is your experience of ‘looking back’?

 

Negotiating Sky

Ah! sky she said

‘wait until our wrath

singes you

burns you

scars you

piercing through your very existence

till you tremble through and through

our indifference is nothing

wait till we turn the evil eye at you.

No, we are not making the Babel again

we are busy bulldozing what is left

of living, breathing and copulating

of building down, no,breaking down

what they built with your benevolence

we know the DNA, the god particle and much more

we know to recreate life

colonize Mars

set the temperature on the Sun

just right for our comfort!

well, not that, not yet

but wait till we turn you inside out

and send the stars screaming for their lives

then dear sky, it shall be your turn

to burn us down

to wipe us out

to breathe fire into our lungs

till then, can we just co-exist?

peacefully, I mean!

Hedge the hog!

Hurtling down the road to nowhere

at a rate that surprised her

a bump here a bump there

a turn here a tear there

then a fast fast run

a sudden twist

and a long long fall

into the blue blue waters below

heading into the azure land that spread beneath

she looked up to catch

a rainbow smiling from above

a smile that spread across the sky

and hit the earth hard that it bloomed instantly

into a sea of many hues

birds laughed

some trumpeting was heard

heavens had a belly hard laughter

at the antics of the hedgehog!