Journey

the distance 

from us 

to ‘you’ and ‘me’

has been the most toughest of all 

so far 

yet 

as I stand up to stretch my hand 

I wonder of the gaps that will never fill 

for the wisdom to know less 

for the wisdom not to stand up for self 

what was yoked by brute force 

breaks 

and what breaks causes pain 

hanging loosely out of its anchor 

suspended in ‘trishanku swarga’

neither here nor there 

friend, you caused me much pain 

yet there is forgivance 

yet there is moving on

coz you should like I do 

prosper, prosper in spite of pain

for as anger melts away 

sorrow at an opportunity lost 

and a lifetime wasted

is all that lasts!

And the journey continues 

across chasms

‘you’ and ‘me’ to our separate destinations

you, do not know yours do you?

nor do I 

does it matter?

travel as long as it lasts…

PS: Post loss, post love, life continues

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Kitty is back

Back from the boarding house and clearly proving our fears of being forgotten our dear cat, Messi is a bundle of nervous energy.

Running up and down the chairs and climbing the wall,to inspect the tube light which she had triumphantly brought down with a thud, and peering over the glass window, she presents herself to a ready audience as a woman of the house.

She runs to her table and sniffs for her food.

She checks on her toys and is overjoyed to find them intact.

She purrs at my daughter and allows to be pampered.

While we attack her with our anxiety to ‘see, it’s us’, ‘remember’, she prances around the place and reclaims her space with the eagerness of a squirrel+ a monkey + a puppy.

Messi, is clearly not a common cat, she is neither lazy nor lethargic.

She is a girl who loves to play and demands attention, well, wouldn’t she take after her humans? Purred I!

Not for her the lazing around

or gentle swishing of her tail.

Her ways are of the wind

Her meows angry demanding and questioning

Her tail a tool to test her own ability to solve a riddle

Her food is well, just food

Her interest in all things caffeine undeniable

In her kingdom she alone is the ruler

All others are her servile followers

Waiting for her with feverish passion and attention

Her humans are to her the ‘chief servants in residence’

As she quenches her thirst at the basins of wisdom

She allows others to applaud and cheer her living

If it is self-esteem, self confidence or self anointment

Learn it from Messi, who teaches it best by practice!

 

Sometimes stop by

‘Sometimes just stop by’

I told the wind

and he smiled

‘if I come too often

you might not want me anymore’

he murmured.

I countered

eager to please

afraid of losing

what came after much waiting

‘when you come

you bring hope

breeze from everywhere

fragrances of trees you touched

stories of lands you passed by

the screams from seas you roared

the dreams of maidens you caressed

passions of princes yearning for love

people kneeling in hope and prayer for more

of children who are protected in innocence

of old age scents mushy in love

young men singing songs to the beloved

young women dancing to the tunes of the heart strings.

Through you I see, feel the pulse

of a world that turned cold to me

of the sky that stopped smiling

the clouds with stilled sails

of a heart burning in rebuke,regret and retrospect

come, therefore, often, stretch your limbs at my gate

step in for some light banter and then choose to fly away.

 

To Kitty Love

As you grow kitty I worry for you

what pressures and pleasures await you

what pitfalls in the form of fantasies

what tom cats, what pretensions

what false promises of love taunt you

kitty my love

I am a progressive parent

yet in my post modern angst

my heart trembles at your union with a local rowdie tomcat

of no significant pedigree

no trace of parenting

no culture and no promise of support

I can not jump the wall as you do

to rush to you and counsel you when you are in heat

( not that you will listen!)

I can not rush to rescue you from hooligans with long tails

glistening eyes and many purrs

I can only watch as you suffer kitty love

the pangs of loneliness after momentary heights of passion

my love,therefore, in your maturity of all but 6 months

I advice you to exercise caution and never forsake judgement

I have myself not been a success in love nor much in living

yet life has kindly taught me many lessons

the first and foremost being trust not  every tail, wagging or otherwise

not every one who purrs is a friend

the paws that love may also pounce, so be prepared!

I might be old yet old wisdom is as pure as gold

hence trust my words, choose your love wisely

its just your scent and your firm body that attracts them

look for the one who values your soul

that shines through even in the night

look for the one who will share his fish

the bowl of kitty food and more

who will be around to ensure your kids

grow up healthy, wealthy and wise

security comes before love

prudence before passion

by your tail, I promise

not a word I said is fabricated

these are written in time old books

sacred words of wisdom from your ancestors

I am a mere interpreter, believe me for your own good.

 

 

Kitty Times

Kitty goes to the doctor.

My daughter donning her caring sisterly avatar took the kitty for her vaccination but came back with her heart a little pinched, ‘mom’, she said,’ I can’t bear to see her like this’. The kitty who is ideally named Messi for her excellent ball handling, passing, goal posting skills has been at her quietest best. Suddenly, it is like the house has gone silent without her insistent meows and her requests to play and let her out.

Our mornings are ever more hectic these days and getting out of the house is a task in itself. For one thing, Messi senses exactly when we are about to leave but she is still a child and can be easily distracted. So we usually get a toy for her and then quietly slip out of the house.

Its painful to be alone at home so when we are back, she demands her due  by getting us to play with her, a meow here, a meow there for food, for some scratching or for some pampering. The other day when I sat down with my daughter next to me, Messi jumped right on to my lap as if asking for the same attention.

Ameena one of my former colleagues and an ardent admirer of cats once said, you have not loved fully till you have loved a pet… how true!

 

So said she

‘Love’, said she

‘sit down by the sea

harken  the waves ashore

singing songs of bonds eternal

many universes have we traversed

you and I

many moons have we spent

on distant planets

before we meet

here at the sea shore

in these bodies we wear

so it must be

that you yearn for me

and I for you

the sun,the moon and the stars

have witnessed our sojourns

across the skies

in forms unknown

to our mortal eyes

what could otherwise explain how

what causes you pain

should spring from my heart

what causes me joy

should step forth of yours

listen to the silence of the stars

they speak through their blinking eyes

listen to the sweeping winds

gushing past all life

listen to the murmur of the sands

they hold stories of times untold

listen to the clouds

pregnant of truths unspoken

rest your weary head and heart

at this hearth, by the sea!’

Ps: Of how she spoke!

Tarry

Tarry said she

the mother of all, Vasundhara,

‘Sons and daughters

hear my call

you walked on my body

fed on my soul

reaped milk of my breasts

dug deep into my being

yet children of the universe

have I been kind to you

I nourished you with my blood

my body unctions made you stronger

my fragrances gave wings to your imagination

my breath breathed more vigor into you

my waters bathed you, played with you and soothed your cries

children of the universe

I continued to pour my heart to fill into your cups

which you sometimes discarded without care

I stopped never to love you and care for you

even as you tore me down to my bare bones

drilled deep into my bare soul

children of the universe

your brothers and sisters

on 2 feet, 4 feet and no feet

some on wings and some on fins

some sailing in my waters

some dancing in the skies

some rooted to protect you no matter what

I taught them to love you

told them to nourish you

even replenish you

yet children of the universe

my last born, your turn it was to be kind

your turn it was to stop and help and lend a hand

your turn it was to sing a song and hold me strong

but have you failed and how

children of the universe

your same-womb-borns

cry for your love

they seek your thought

they demand space in your heart

they shall not be plundered thus

the waters protest

the skies cry out

at your atrocity

children of the universe

my most beloved, tarry,tarry, tarry!

 

Be a happy story

Be a happy story

a story of intrigue

of intense feelings

of experiences galore

of new learning

of a lot of unlearning

of persistent curiosity

of continuous effort

of simplicity at heart

of relentless expressions

a story that deepens in effect

that does not break at the climax

but builds itself to a clinching finish,

a crescendo.

Its not the moolah you earned

nor the likes you got

or the accolades you bought

but just a handful of friends

a few loved ones

loving you too

that makes you a story of joy

for yourself as for others

so,be great in giving

go,be a happy story.

 

After the interval

‘Stop’, she told life

‘you can’t go

not yet not now

you have seen the tears

you have known the turmoil

but I can’t let you go

until

you have seen the gurgling bubbles of laughter

rushing forth in great emergency

molecules of happiness

breathing for the very life

breaking boundaries of the mind

the deep guttural roars of irrepressible joy

trapped beneath tears of impatience

bellowing noises  breathless

cracklings of the diaphragm

settling into the softness of a chuckle

disappearing into the silence of a smile

making its way to the eyes

now not soaked in sadness

twinkling in delight

the forehead furrowed

with laugh lines of fate

and faith,yes, faith

you have to see this

after the interval

there’s a twist!’

PS: Her of a thousand smiles

 

 

Of cooking it right

Sometimes the mind, so it seems to me, is like a pressure cooker.

You put ideas, thoughts, images into it, set the time and then allow the ingredients to cook. After the customary cooking time, the result stands in front of you. Yes, of course, the cooking time varies, depending on the ingredients, the external factors, the fuel, the quality of input and a lot of other things. But cook it will.

You could cook anything. It could a dream or an idea or a vision that you see for yourself or someone you love or a cause you deeply care about.

Little things that you do on a daily basis will add up to bring your vision or dream to its fruition.

The vision again could be for anything for example ,the locality you stay in, like say,  for me ,seeing R.T. Nagar here in Bangalore, all so spic and span some time, or the idea of my little girl revelling in what she loves to do her best, or me being able to plan a trip abroad for my parents, or setting up a centre for learning at Kopparambil or travelling the world or meeting the people I love to meet and being able to be loved and listened to and understood, or just being able to write, read, listen, speak and repeat…ah! visions so colourful and dramatic and almost impossible, maybe, maybe not! After all, its about the cooking time!

I do believe that ideas and thoughts are very organic. When you think of something, you tend to start a process, and somehow the universe, sets in motion a variety of realities to get you closer to what you want. That’s one reason why you should be careful of self-fulfilling prophecies, but that I leave for some time later.

The organic evolution of ideas to reality is an interesting concept. It’s nothing short of a miracle. It is so powerful that it can change your life forever.

Recently Ranbir Kapoor famously said of his love for Alia Bhat, ‘It’s new. Let it cook for sometime’ . What he said of love holds true for writing, for passion, for dreams, for relationships, for projects and for many other things.

So if you have a dream, a desire, a wish, an ambition, think about it over and over, develop your vision of it in your mind, write about it, read about it, talk about it only to those who care for you, because your idea/dream/desire/ambition is yet so delicate, so just foster it, nourish it, sort of allow it to incubate.

Meanwhile trust the universe to turn the things around for you, slowly making it possible for you to reach your goal.

It was last year, a friend remarked, ‘so you are a trainer now , aren’t you? You wanted to do it for long, right?’ I was amazed at this observation and indeed, it was true.

I had mentioned how I wanted to work with young people and try and make a difference a few years back even when I was working as a Manager and here I am today living my dream!

I know I can do more in terms of reaching out to more young people in many better ways, hmm…perhaps with the right cooking time, I will be able to do that too!

Just don’t give up on your wish, dream, desire, obsession yet, perhaps it needs to be cooked a little more.

Focus on good things in your life and keep yourself upbeat.

Try and conquer your fears of failure and incompetency with more and more self love and a bit of self indulgence and be tenacious enough to hang on, not give up, not yet, not now, not ever…

Coz it is about the cooking time, right?

I am convinced about the need to cook an idea to fruition, are you?