Tag Archives: relationships

Connection chaotic

Everyone seeks to connect, to make meaningful relationships, be it with a friend, spouse, partner, children, colleagues and so on. Yet, it is one of the most difficult thing to achieve in life.

I wonder why in a world filled with lonely people, it is so difficult to find the right people to connect with.

Why do we struggle so much in making the right emotional connect?

Is it that we are all guided by some impractical, fancy notions of connections that most of us tend to feel incomplete and continue looking for making the right connect.

Well, I often think when love and affection and understanding is what a human soul, even Andrew(my cat), truly yearns for, what is that stops us from accepting love that comes our way and look for what is not available?

Complicated!

Perhaps real love or that soul connect that is talked about is just fanciful.

Couples who stay together for a long time, having weathered many storms even tend to look alike, some how changing themselves even in appearance, it is really something!

To grow old with a soul of your choice is what each individual looks forward to. Someone who would sort of stand up for you, or someone on whom you can lean on and not be judged.

Yet, it is one thing that is looks to be most difficult, besides, there is no school teaching this either!

In ‘The Glass Menagerie’ by Tenesse Williams, the mother nostalgically talks about the many’gentleman callers’ who routinely turned up at her home.

Yet the man who she married remains visible only in a portrait hung up on the wall!

So well it is not many trials that lead one to the right soul. Maybe, maybe not!

Besides, one can’t always be at a ‘whole sale market for souls’, with cries like ‘le lo’ ,’le lo’, ‘ selling at half price!!!’

Seriously, because in giving, there is a lot of taking, in taking there is a lot of giving, that is the reality of the soul exchange!!!

W.H. Auden’s Miss Gee is a sarcastic take on a woman who is unfulfilled, because she is unmarried, therefore she is unloved, and has therefore cancer eating into her flesh and soul, with no bosom, thin lips , she is a non-entity until she reaches the anatomy table to be mocked at by Mr. Rose, the surgeon and his students.

https://www.poeticous.com/w-h-auden/miss-gee

That is how single woman came out in public imagination, whether it is films or poetry or novels, the rude spinster, who holds a grudge and is loud and foul mouthed is a stereotype all too common.

Her solitude is her failure, her lack of charm, her lack of worthiness, lack of desirability making her a sort of social outcast out to ruin marriages, relationships and what not!

Well, a single man is not considered a loser, he may even be a philosopher, a writer, an ascetic, a noble soul, given to charity and other humanitarian causes, where as a single woman is a thing to despise, to not trust and to generally keep away from, especially if she also happens to be confident and comes across as courageous.

A gentleman talked about ‘ khuli gaay’ ‘untethered cow’, in a discussion about women’s safety and security.

What said the women, who, what did you just say???

The man sort of stammered, fumbled and cut the talk, perhaps realizing he belonged to ice age or maybe slyly thinking the women might be horrendous, especially the ‘talking types’!

I realize I have been meandering but unless there is acceptance of people as they are, the real connect can never happen.

Also, why do some of us, want to connect to the self same people? Hmmm… not sure!

Loving Self

You look perplexed

at this sudden silence

at this total blank out.

I understand.

Perhaps you never noticed

the silence that blotted our living

the smile that strained the lips

we growing apart,staying together

of dried up channels of emotions

then exchanges,finally glances

of how we formed our own niche

of small un intrusive worlds -mine -yours

I got used to the silence

the peace and tranquility of non-pretense.

So should you.

Having long left those spaces

of waiting,of wanting,of dreaming

I found a slice of serendipity

of the self and its company

and I am loving it.

 

 

 

An Adage a Day-A stitch in time saves nine

This was the proverb that was given as a topic at the recently concluded Division Nine Toastmasters Conference here in Bengaluru on 30th April,2016. It was interesting to watch the participants grapple with their ideas and come up with a concise, perfectly tailored 2 minute speech in a matter of seconds. As I was listening I realized how much proverbs, adages or sayings are still  a part of general conversations and how sometimes we miss the context altogether. Perhaps brushing up a few of these adages or proverbs should be a good idea.

Any speech or piece of writing should have the basic outline of opening, body and conclusion. When the speaker is able to grab the audience attention with a perfect opening using a story like TM KVM Kishore did or sharing a personal experience like TM Chetana did the speaker has set the tone and there is anticipation in the air. What is interesting is to note how successful speakers not only manage to express their ideas with a perfect opening but also come up with a solid body and great conclusion. The kind of conclusion that rings in the ears of the audience even after the speech is over.

The English teacher’s aid in teaching creative writing ie 4 W and 1 H which stands for  who/ what,when,where,why and how can be a ready made tool to develop a good speech on any given topic. A discerning speaker will be quick to connect this to something of immediate reference to the audience. This way the speaker establishes a quick and strong bond with the audience. The audience is led to empathize, mock, question or introspect as the speaker holds the stage and takes them through an array of thoughts and emotions through his/her speech.

The newspaper headlines today scream about the water woes that is plaguing the country. Many parts of the nation is reeling under severe drought. Water has become a prized commodity. Though there are efforts to address the issues, they are far too less compared to the severity of the situation. Farmers are committing suicide as crops fail and they are over burdened with debts. The relief which comes after the drastic step is taken only adds to the family list of grievances and sufferings. This is what comes to my mind when I think of the proverb. Here’s what I would say on the topic.

A stitch in time saves nine refers to the need to take timely actions. Many of us who procrastinate realize the importance of having followed a schedule too late ie when the task becomes too unwieldy to manage. Whether it is regaining your fitness or preparing for an exam or cleaning your home, well planned small  tasks will make our lives easier.

Looking at the precarious underground water table across the country, one realizes how meaningful the proverb is in this context. Measures like recharging the water table through rain water harvesting, revitalizing the ponds, lakes and wells, stopping the disposal of untreated waste into these water bodies can go a long way in saving our water resources.

Even in matters of the heart, the proverb holds good. For instance if you want to placate a grumpy child, a partner or a friend it will be good to do it at the earliest rather than wait for the issue to blow into a balloon which can only burst.

If there is a friend who you want to shake hands with, if there is a misunderstanding you want to remove you can start now. Small measures taken well within the time help mend relationships and situations for the better.

So what is the task you have set aside, dealing with your angry spouse, making a new friend or pitching in to save our natural resources, shedding an old habit or learning a new skill,the time is to start now! A stitch in time surely,saves nine.