Tag Archives: selfish

The Importance of Being Selfish

It is important to be selfish, yes, very selfish.

Aren’t we selfish enough? Haven’t we done enough harm with our selfishness?

Well, I am talking about a certain ‘selfishness’ that is not demeaning of others but elevating of self, ‘the self’ within you.

The kind of selfishness that makes you want to fight for what you believe in.

The kind of selfishness that allows you to take a stand, say no to certain things, and essentially lead a life of your choice.

The selfishness that makes you shun those who undermine you, who treat you disrespectfully, who hurt you intentionally, who take you for granted and grant you nothing in return, is a kind of selfishness I advocate openly.

Yes, I am all for a ‘selfishness’ that  puts your self above everything else, that allows you to love yourself to the point of no return, a la narcissist, pure,simple, honest kind of selfishness.

Such selfishness springs from self-love and with out self-love there is no loving of others.

So if you don’t want to be one of those who feel that they have sacrificed their ‘valuable life-goals’ for the sake of others, then get yourself some ‘selfishness’, ask yourself, what makes you truly happy?

Cut yourself off from those who only take from you.

Stay away from those who undermine and hurt you at every turn.

If you love yourself  first, your love for others will be nobler, richer and definitely more rewarding.

If your cup of love has to overflow, first you have to ensure that it is full, full of love and acceptance of the self,’yourself’.

And it is not easy.

It is more difficult to live a life on one’s on terms than to live it by set standards of the society.

To be able to accept yourself for who you are is more daunting than nimbly following directions which you know don’t make sense to you.

If you are miserly in lavishing love on yourself, you are likely to punish others for excesses of expressions of love.

Why you might even be ticked off because some one chooses to compliment you.

We have so many stories that extol sacrifices, sacrificing food, life style, love, opportunities and so on but we really need to celebrate stories of selfishness.

I believe all stories of success are essentially stories of selfishness, a brute adherence to self-goals no matter what, some times going against society, family, belief systems and everything else.

Ask any sportsman if he/she can retain excellence without selfish devotion to his/her goal?

I grew up thinking of sacrifice as a great virtue.  But those who seemed to have sacrificed a lot never looked very happy about themselves. Was it because their sacrifices were not valued or recognized? Or was it because they never really lived the life of their choice?

The wisdom of living taught me that it is important to take care of yourself. It is important to have that all important ‘me-time’, ‘me-goals’,’me-life’.

It is essential to have life-goals tailored to suit you and only you, even if you are branded’selfish’.

Because it is from that position of being selfish that you can even think of being selfless.

Because unless you are happy with yourself, how will you give happiness to others?

So, what are you waiting for, indulge, extol and celebrate the self within you!

Invest in your learning, in your appearance, in your soul-joy and the world will join in your celebration of the self!



Old not grown up, not yet!

‘My father had told me not to do this’,  said the old woman in a rather harsh tone to her young daughter-in-law, ‘that I should never lift my grand children. So, sorry I can’t hold that child while you are cooking for us!’

The young girl looked at the old woman in rising disgust. Was this an excuse or is this being cooked up fresh? There is no way for her to know.

Every time the young girl sought help to hold something, to get something, to pay for something, the other woman made it categorically clear that she was not supposed to do it as her long dead father who was a former collector had clearly advised her not to do.

While the older woman had no restrictions what so ever on receiving any thing, she was very clear on what not to do for others, be it her own daughters-in-law or her sons or her grand children.

In fact, the old lady would never ever call up her children on her own. ‘It is their duty to call and inquire after me, why should I call them,spending my money?’

What added to the girl’s discomfort was that her so-called husband was also a chip of the old block. Could you drop me at the office?,she asked one day. No, I cannot, he said clear with no room for ambiguity. Could you get the medicine for the child?, no I cannot, you please go and get it.

This was how their married life started and it continued. But things it a rough patch when the gentleman decided to quit work and stay at home and when the mother and son expected the ‘bahu’ to run the house, earn the income, pay the fees, pay the rent, buy the monthly ration, deal with the irritating maid, fetch the vegetables and what not!

The sense of complete entitlement was such that the woman, the ‘bahu’ would run helter skelter trying to meet the ends, appease the lords at home and maintain the equilibrium of ‘I come from a happy family’ to the onlookers, the relatives, the parents and everybody else.

Not one used to such machinations, such manipulations, she took time to figure out what was happening to her, coz she was doing her ‘duties’ in good will, ‘all for the family’ and then it froze her heart when she realized that she was being used as the maid, the breadwinner and the comforter and the care-taker all rolled into one!

Imagine the shock that she was in!

This hurt will perhaps never heal, she told herself, but life is not just these stupid, selfish manipulators, the world is a kind place and there are greater beauties in life,so she turned to them, in her effort to remain sane and happy, so she did find joy and content outside home at work, among friends and most importantly in herself.

The journey was worth it. Some lessons are learnt the hard way.