When life chose to dish out one in a million disease to a soul so kind, so true that he was almost divine, it left all of stunned, staggering in disbelief, wondering what was justice anyways, no pain seemed greater, there seemed no reason to fight anything, if this can happen to him, then what was life, was it worth anything!!!

Into that chaos pain and a feeling of smallness, helplessness, amma’s stern tear strained instruction always came out loud and clear, ‘no tears, Lekha, no crying, see, I always make him smile, he will be ok soon’.

Then it started years of endless treatment, when allopathy said, ‘sorry’, we moved to ayurveda, then when ayurveda showed doubt, we tried pranic healing, then amma learnt Reiki and sometimes she sat in a temple with a rag spread in front of her, some astrologer suggested that she should do that and donate that money…well… everything and anything, just about anything, achan and amma went the whole hog for this young man.

He just sat in his wheel chair, listened to music, in between screaming and shouting choicest of abuses at his parents, asked amma to dress well, advised achan to take care of his health and reminded me to do my NET.

Yes, the National Eligibility Test for lectureship, mentored my child on good behaviour, sometimes played scrabble and listened to every conversation, and once wondered to amma,’ just because I am on wheel chair , does it mean I can’t hear what they are saying!’ and amma hushed him up.

Last 3 years of his living on the planet was spent enquiring on the job status of my ex-husband and somehow it seemed to him that my financial instability would not help me support him, so I think because he seemed to lose interest in life and eventually decided to move on……. nine years ago on this day….

I know of souls that transcend and of how human life is all about transience, yet, when amma shared a pic of my parents visit to a students hostel to distribute food, I was enveloped in a surreal fragrance of heavenly scents, just like every time, it has happened in the past, when my brother’s soul chooses to visit me, but unlike every other time, I sat put, closed my eyes and inhaled the fragrance, just let myself be in the moment, without any doubt or cross checking of ‘ is this true, is this imaginary’… yes, that was that.