Tag Archives: strength

Teen Deviyan

They are three, the girls

young, powerful

shimmering in confidence

oozing a certain oomph

each an expert

each holding a promise

shaking  heads vigorously

gesturing almost wildly

talking in excited tones

eyes  full of dreams

girls so lady-like.

In the intercices of the dreams

are hidden certain fears

trepidation

itching self-doubt

fear of fighting pre-conceived notions

of uninvited attention, ridicule,desertion

of failing, of winning, of then what?

and a powerful deep deep assertion of the self

rooting for self-happiness.

It’s a difficult world

but these three will see it through

their ways will be different

but friends they remain

and success meets them at every turn.

Together life is more beautiful.

Breaking Strong

It’s not enough for you to break

it’s for you to break, break into countless pieces of insignificance

crushed, mangled pieces of you

lay about on the earth

screaming, scowling, howling

helpless,turning, twisting

till those colorless reams of your hard pressed soul escape

dyed  in the creative juice of living

into doom, death and desire!(ironically)

Yes, desire,because it’s the turning away that made you what you are

it’s the rejection that strengthened you

its the mockery that built you

your brittle hopes and seamless dreams

made of what was not there and never will be

still stood the fight, gave it a try

to walk away with a smile

tender, giving,gracious even in defeat/victory.

PS: A die hard optimist, gives up on every body else except self !

[Yet all experience is an arch wherethro’
Gleams that untravell’d world whose margin fades
For ever and forever when I move- Ulysses]

At the threshold of another beginning

It surely felt like another beginning. The signs were the same.The brightness, the lightness, a certain sure-footedness. I looked at her clear eyes and the fixed gaze.I realized how determined she was. There was nothing to say. No need for consolation, no support, no vain good words of positive reinforcement, nothing.

“When life events had occurred earlier, it was never my doing, I was just the actor, playing the role laid out to me.” But “this”, she waved her hand with what may be called arrogance, “is  me. I charter the course of my life now. It feels good to hold the reins. It breaks my back sometimes, but, is there any gain without pain?”

We kept looking ahead, staring at a vague something. Having watched her struggle through low self-esteem, doubt, fear, loneliness I had almost given up on this woman.But she proved me wrong. Her bull-like resilience  helped her stand up  un-cowed to the walking away from responsibilities of others. When dialogues, advice, suggestions, hope and patience ran out, she took the spade into her own hands. She made decisions, entered spaces hitherto,oh-so-not-her -kind and well, made a niche for herself.

It was one such day that she decided upon buying a flat for herself. Flat, you? I asked surprised but how? You don’t earn enough? What if you lose job? Why so, over ambitious? I am not going to give you a penny, declared someone. And I never expected you to, she laughed.Are you crazy or stupid? Why do you want to burden yourself ?I asked bewildered at her stubbornness. The philosophess replies smugly, “I am just buying a bubble for myself in the transience of this life. It happens to be costly, but its my bubble, that’s all.”

 

 

Of fulfilling a promise

A couple past their prime inherit an old dilapidated house, which was once home to a farmer, an ayurvedic physician, a sanskrit scholar,his beautiful wife and their worthy children.

The home inherited by my mother was in dire need of repair. My father,a retired banker counts every penny and could have just sold the house and  pocketed the change. Much to the disbelief of all his friends and relatives, the man and his wife spend days breathing life sustaining and nurturing the old home.

I am surprised at the effort that goes into all of this. The love and care that mom and dad are willing to invest into what looked like a lost case. Wouldn’t it be easier to sell it off? I wonder secretly. Many others raise the same concern and laugh at the eccentricity of the old couple.How long will you be around?. They ask indifferently. .

20 years ago when the house was set aside for his daughter, the fourth in the line,grandfather had extracted a promise from my father. He said,this house has been built with my sweat and labor. I have lifted stones, painted it and agonized over it. I want you to take care of it.

My father said,I could have sold it off but  I wanted to build something of it to return to it, its former grandeur. I expect you to use this space for the betterment of the society. I am humbled and perplexed at this suggestion. It is a huge responsibility.

Before taking this responsibility,my parents had already tided over the worst calamity of their lives, the loss of their son,the youngest, their life, their cheer and everything else.When Balu, my brother was diagnosed with mitochondrial cytopathy, which the doctor at NIMHANS told him categorically  was causing the degeneration of every organ of his body,the boy was devastated, so were his parents.

Yet through the years that he survived, my mother ensured that there was a smile on his face.My father nurtured him as if he were a small baby.His friends Babu,Mani and Koushik stood by him,visiting him every single day. Cheering him up with odd jokes and pranks,only they were capable of. Until , his death on 10th of July 2012, my brother knew for sure that he was loved and cared for.

Today as I watch the house limp back to life, awakening a new interest among the neighbors, friends and relatives, I am proud of what my parents are capable of. Of their never say die spirit.

Just the other day, my mother addressed a young audience at a government school in the locality.It was her first public address. The students loved the honesty of her words and cheered for her. The adulation is much deserved,earned by unwavering spirit,hard work and an optimism that does not allow tears to be shed at any cost.

When sometimes I am told of the smile that does not leave my face, I have to agree modestly. I cannot be otherwise, I come from a family of great strength of mind and the spirit.

I have heard my parents being taunted for not studying beyond 10th standard.How does it matter? I ask.

In the college of life they have earned their doctorate:-)

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