Tag Archives: #student

Solo dance, Life

I sit at home grumpy,sad and irritated. There’s no friend in sight. Nobody. Not a soul.

Friends, colleagues families have packed and left for the long weekend. I knew this was coming. I knew I am going to feel low. I knew it is going to hurt big time and it did.

But it is difficult to reconcile with reality even when you know what is and why it is so. Except for Andrew’s long and short meows there is no noise at home. Instead of research that I should do I am angry and upset for no particular reason.

I wait for a friend to turn up. Friends have friends and families !!!! I am busy playing the victim, the god forsaken soul, left on an island… why? why?

Fine. I decide enough is enough solo is not solitude and like Matteo Bocelli I will find my way.

Solo, Matteo Bocelli

Besides I am good at taking care of myself. I will do it. So I set off to get a bicycle yep to ride to glory.

Its been years since I did it but it should be good. The cycle shops are not selling cycles anymore but a fashion statement and my purse is going to be stretched too far… I come back now less gloomy!

Anyways, back home I have a visitor, ‘ would you like to dance for the dandiya?’ dance, me! Well, I wanted to invite your daughter but since she is not here, why don’t you come, said the neighbour in a compensatory tone.

‘Ok!’ I say, desperate for company, ‘I would love to, nay, I will’ and end up attending 2 practice sessions and go all the way to hit the dance floor literally!

My body is not amused at such onslaught of vigor, ‘what for’. it demands angrily and sulks big time!

But dance I did in my effort to find new friends and some new spaces outside the books, research and I must say I enjoyed it.

Walking in alone into a space of families did make me feel awkward initially but soon I got over it and relaxed, I counselled myself and said, ‘its ok, afterall alone is no crime, you are in a happy space, don’t you see that!’

I did of course, and soon lost myself in the dance.

Sometimes you got to shake the statusquo! So I did!

And found a surprise visitor at home!

And a promise of a friend who said, ‘I come when I say I will’ and I had to laugh!

Then says my dear chechi, ‘Lekha come home tomorrow ok!’. ‘I will’, I say happily.

Who does one thank except the universe for such unexpected offers of good company!

Ain’t it a good life after all!

Of gratitude

To go back to studying when you are a full blown adult is not an easy choice. Yes, you take pride in having done justice to your parenting responsibilities, but you already are in that loop of EMIs and various other billing activities which tie you down, a caesura at this point is akin to harakiri, or so you think, or fear.

Then comes a mother’s heart calling out to you and saying, ‘ fear not child, do what you want for once, just do it’, and she laughs away all the fears saying ,’what are we here for?’

And a father who chips in,’ it’s not impossible, we are there for you.’

It is terrifying to think of the instability it brings, the staying away from work, even for a short time, the insecurities for someone who has prided on financial independence, yet, a promise looms and a hope and a cause calls, the call is persistent, deep, insistent, relentless and you cannot look away.

Then comes a message, a talk and an assurance, from someone I taught a good 2 decades ago, ‘I want to help you in your studies, just let me know’, it is just a word of promise but it lifts the spirits immediately, as if the universe answered a call, and calmed a fear, and smiled away a tear.

Years ago, I quit school teaching to move to the corporate, in need of a gainful employment, to pay the bills of course, again I remember how one of students asked, ‘What made you quit teaching? You would not have done that. You see, I am a corporate lawyer now. I can help you. Let me know what you need’. The words at that time brought tears to my eyes. I had expected such support from those in my immediate vicinity but there it came from a student again, who had just started his career.

I think of how the universe is assuaging my fears and holding out a hand, egging me on to a journey, whose turns I am not yet able to see.

Yet, it is true that there have been new opportunities and meeting with people who value my abilities in a slow, subtle manner that seems to be changing my universe in some ways, perhaps, a new horizon shines, a new friend or two waits, a new journey begins…

For the Ullysses in me, who wants to go looking after a sinking star, what could be better?

I now feel it won’t be difficult to find a school for Sunil to study, a place to work and learn for Chanamma, a place for me to grow as a writer and a student and to contribute to a cause so close to my heart…. perhaps that is what it is…..a place from where I can reach out and say to those I love and those who love me, here I am for you always…. I have everything to help you…ha, life… what learnings, what lessons!!!

Gratitude is all that I can think of…..